15,000-19,999 SparkPoints 15,453

What is it going to take?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I watch the Biggest Loser every week. Most weeks I cry. And this is for a few seasons now. I watch and cry because I see me in all of them. Watching Shay get voted off tonight made me so sad. I listened to her and knew that the way she felt was how I feel...except she is CHANGING her life. I am not. I led my Biggest Loser challenge this fall with a goal of losing 25lbs. After our final weigh in tomorrow, I will be lucky if I lost 5-6lbs over the 10 week challenge. I imagine that I should be happy with that loss. But I know I dont give it my all. I know I am sad and depressed when I make bad choices. I know I want to scream at myself every time I allow myself to do the exact opposite of what I should be doing. I know what to do. I know how to do it. I am at a loss for why it is sooo damn hard to force myself to just do it. I mean seriously, WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE? WHY IS IT SO HARD???? I watch my friends on here reach goals and I cheer them on. And I am so proud when I see people making the changes in their life. And then I get isnt jealous I guess...I just wish it was me. I wish I would reach that place where it all comes together. I wish I had what Danny on the Biggest Loser had. He talked this week and last week about just feeling like he is on fire. He is on it and is not letting it go. He is feeling life again. He is living life again. He has his life again. I want that soo bad. I really really do. I am not happy. I am not comfortable. I am not content. I am miserable in my own skin and cannot for the life of me figure out how to get my ass in gear and get myself to the next level. SO frustrating... I dont know. I will just keep on going.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The last sentence is all that matters. You will just keep trying until you succeed.
    3081 days ago
  • CGREEN717
    I can fully relate to how your feeling. However, it takes time to lose weight. It may come on almost over night, but it's twice, if not more, as hard to get it back off. I have been at this since August 26th, and have only lost 18lbs total.
    We are in this together to give each other 'fire", but we can't do it for you. "How bad do you want it?"
    Let's not forget that your dealing with some hard medical issues which I know isn't making this journey any easier for you either!!!
    Have faith! Don't give up.
    3082 days ago
    Cheryl, I know how you feel, It is very frustrating to see others go down & we stay the same or go up. But we just have to hang in there and fight harder. People on TV have people there to help them find the fire on a minute-to-minute basis The stress of having to care for families and work jobs is removed. We still have our normal life to live with jobs, family so all we can do is Lean on each other for support, that's what we are here for to help each other to get out of the ruts that we fall into. I know we will and can do this!!WE JUST HAVE TO PUT A FIRE UNDER EACH OTHER!! emoticon emoticon
    3082 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/11/2009 12:38:12 PM
    If we all had fire, we'd all be skinny. That's the advantage of BL: they have people there to help them find the fire on a minute-to-minute basis, stress of having to care for families and work jobs is removed.

    I know what you're saying about the 5-6 pounds, too. I'm right there with you. Now is the time to make ONE change, and keep going.
    3082 days ago
  • JLBART74
    Miss cheryl Im really not sure how long you have been trying. Hang in there.

    As for the Jealousy thing Im right there with you. Or I was. I would watch my spark friends lose and lose and lose and I was thinking "what the crap" why are they losing and Im not. Used to make me so mad.

    I now look at myself and see what I am doing and analyze what I need to do to get where I need to be. Even with the major road bumps.

    Hang in there we will go slow together and we will succeed.

    I dont think I lost any during this challenge but we will never know due to scale issues.

    3082 days ago
    I agree with everyone of these great comments. Try not to beat yourself up. Maybe you don't have the "fire". Most of us don't have fire. We are doing this because we need to be healthy. It's not a race to see how much we can lose. It's a lifestyle change that will help us lose this weight. 5 lbs is a great weight loss, don't underestimate what you have accomplished. So what if you don't lose alot of weight in a short amount of time. You WILL get there.

    I was 40 years old when I went back to school. I started college with the goal of becoming a paralegal. I figured I could get my associates degree and have a career. While taking my law classes, my professor suggested that I go to law school. I told her I was too old and that by the time I finished school, I would be 46. She looked at me and said so what, you are going to be 46 anyway, and this way, when you are finished, you will have a law degree. She gave me my midterm exam to take home and told me to attend the open house. I did, and now at 48, I have my law degree and am taking the Bar Exam in February. It took me longer to finish school than I expected, but you know what, I made it. I did it at my own pace and finished. (Sorry this is so long)

    The point is, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get to your goal, it's that you let yourself reach that goal.

    YOU CAN DO THIS! Don't beat yourself up, just keep trying!
    3082 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/11/2009 7:05:19 AM
    A good way to start is with celebrating the fact that you lost anything at all. You obviously tried at least every once in a while for that to have happened. Next, say positive things to yourself. Just by being on SP and remaining active you are keeping yourself in the loop. Perhaps you need to start being good to yourself even before setting calories/fitness goals. Instead of looking at it as this big thing you keep failing at you could start with one good thing you do for yourself. Like always eat breakfast. Focus on making that one meal really good for you and consistent. Celebrate it every time you do it. Congratulate yourself on making yourself a priority. Maybe don't make a fitness challenge right off the bat. Instead tell yourself you are not going to use the remote control anymore. You are always going to take the stairs. You are going to clean your house, do the yard work, etc.... Celebrate it every time you don't ask someone to get something for you - get it yourself. Just move and make yourself a priority.

    Sometimes we are our own biggest hurdle. It is a way of thinking that keeps us motivated. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. One step at a time. Not as a mountain. One small step every day. Celebrate it!
    3082 days ago
  • NRLB75
    You can't compare yourself to what you see on TV. Those people have an army of doctors, trainers, & dieticians supporting them EVERY DAY!!! Just keep going. Even when you don't want to do it anyway. In fact, especially when you don't want to do it anyway. You will lose the weight. We will cheer you on!
    3082 days ago
  • STITCH777
    Boy I am right there with you. I couldn't describe myself anybetter than what you just said. I feel like I work real hard to get a little fire going under me and then along comes the rain or wind or something to put it out. I keep wondering how much longer or how many more times am I going to try to get this fire going. If I do get it going how do I get it big enough that rain, wind or smoething won't put it out. All I know is for right now I just keep trying. So We need to hang in there and Just do it even if it is over and over and over till we get ir right.
    3082 days ago
    Change is difficult and scary sweetie. For years I've been hiding behind my weight. Go read my post under Women's Wisdom here 50+ FEMALES, FIT AND FEELING FABULOUS:
    Maybe you are afraid of something too.
    But bottom line though, is that you are 5 pounds lighter than you were 10 weeks ago. And that is cause for celebration. Have you thought about what purpose the extra weight has in your life?
    Thinking of you. YOu can do it. You are doing it.

    3082 days ago
  • BRE2003SB
    There was some really good comments here so all I an say is: YOU CAN DO IT!!! Just keep it simple,one day at a time! Small changes equals big results in my book.
    Have a good night!
    3082 days ago
  • PATTYS74
    That is exactly what it is Chery getting that fire burning with in you. Losing weight is so hard, we all know that. I watch Danny and Shay on Jay Leno after the show tonight. Did you see that? If not maybe you can get it online. They both have a fire burning now. Shay said she had emotional issues she had to take care of first. YOu have been having your share of problems with the ex and Erica and your health, that makes it all that much harder. Don't beat yourself up just take it one day at a time. You will get there. 5 or 6 pounds on this challenge is good anything is good it is in the right direction.
    The most important thing I had to learn about weight loss was to be patient. I didn't gain it over night and (unless I am a Biggest Loser contestant) I am not going to lose it overnight. I finally learned and it took me a long time, that it is not just a dieting process, it is a lifestyle change. I learned I have to eat different the rest of my life. I lose very slowly but I dont gain. I go up and down but each time I go down I get a little lower. I hope you can find peace in that. It really helps:-)
    3082 days ago
  • WANDAC2013
    Hang in there, Cheryl....I am right there with you and PLUCKYMUM....we CANNOT give up....we just have to keep pushing through until WE are the ones who reach our goals...and, WE CAN DO IT!!! emoticon
    3082 days ago
    Cheryl, hang in there! I am where you are at right now, and it happens more than once. Sometimes when we try too hard it doesn't work. I am going to try just doing some small things, especially around planning and logging and being really honest about what I am doing. Just pick one thing, and get it right. Come and post on the Bombshell thread, we are all kind of feeling the same - it isn't just you.
    3082 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.