My Love Affair
Saturday, November 07, 2009
I have been IN LOVE with food my entire life and since September 3, 2009 I have been separated from food and have been changing my relationship with it.
Food has been a tremendously pivotal issue/ reality in my life that is like no other. Not only is it needed/ required for sustenance, maintenance of life; it, over time, had become the focal point of my day...every day. It was the panacea for things bad and the reward for things good. It was THE THING surpassing friendships and sometimes even family in the hierarchy of loves in my life.
It goes beyond addiction. The relationship is one of passion, desire and ecstasy. I moan with exquisite delight, smack my lips as I slowly close my eyes briefly as this or that melts in my mouth. I dress up to interact with it, with special aprons, cooking gloves and expensive accessories, like jewelry, in the form of top-of-the-line cutlery and crystal and bone china. I anticipate it, I long for it, I miss it, I dream about it, I Love It.
And like many lovers, it has betrayed me. It attacked me. It abused me and like many victims of abuse, I allowed it...made excuses for it. It upset my stomach, raised my blood sugar, clogged my arteries, bloated me, dehydrated me, hurt me. And like a devoted partner I sneaked around with it when others warned me about its negative qualities, ignored how it truly made me feel, made me look.
Why has it been so important to me among all other things that could occupy my time? Answer, because I'm good at it. I'm a fantastic chef, a creative master. I love to cook and create and compare different colors and textures and tastes, quantities, temperatures and consistencies. A focus like no other in my life. It is social...brings others to me...makes them say wonderful things about my talent/ my skill...provides succor for others...and gives me something to do...replaces boredom and so many other things... foolishness and such.
Searching for food, finding something obscure, preparing food, and savoring the aroma and flavor had taken over a large part of my happiness, my time, my energy. And now it is time to say goodbye.
Since September I have not eaten a traditional meal and have been participating the medically supervised Optifast Program; and now must soon make the transition to healthy eating. I am ready to do it now. I have other skills/talents that I have neglected during most of my adult life.
I have been in a support group at Kaiser through the Optifast Program that has focused on my and others' unhealthy relationship with food. I have been thinking hard about this unhealthy relationship for the past 10 weeks and have bl0gged about it. I am ready to get a DIVORCE, relinquish custody of many of my gadgets and leave this unhealthy relationship with food. It will be a friendly divorce. I will still occasionally spend time with it (food) but it will no longer play such a pivotal role in my life. I will EAT TO LIVE and no longer LIVE OR LOVE TO EAT.
A wonderful person, here at SP, Trainer T, shared a quote that will provide the theme for the success for my new relationship with food. She blogged one day about being passionate about choices in life and other things. And I thought about the passionate relationship that I have with food that is so ridiculous and unhealthy.
She shared: "Success is the result of a clear goal, unshakable confidence, proper planning, enthusiastic action and consistent persistence" I don't know if this is an original thought or quote from someone else; but whatever the case, it resonated with me, at this time, like nothing else has.
My GOALS are to continue to improve my health, lose weight and to tone and strengthen my body. I shall obtain and maintain this success because I now have...
UNSHAKABLE CONFIDENCE in my ability to do so. For ten weeks I have done it and I can do it for the rest of my life. I have...
PLANNED a strategy (objectives) to accomplish my goals by continuing to learn about and apply what I know about proper nutrition, healthy eating and exercise. I am doing all of this with...
ENTHUSIASM because I really like the results...a shaplier, healthy body and a sharper mind. and I shall be...
CONSISTENT and not cheat or make frivolous excuses and be absolutely
PERSISTENT in pursuing the above mentioned that is now what is most important to me, next to God and my Family.
Thanks to God, My Wonderful Family, Trainer T, My Optifast Support Group, and my Spark Friends.
I shall succeed! I already am.