Too many things going on

Friday, November 06, 2009


Kind of in a weird space. Not sure I should be blogging all of this but I need to go somewhere with all these feelings.
As many of you know my best friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Still going through tests, needs an MRI and then a lumpectomy with 6 wks readiation. That is the best case scenario.
My co-workers partner has been battling bone cancer for almost a year now. She has had breast cancer twice and is now all over her bones. Just talked with my co=worker and they had an appt to get current results on the CT scan....it's spread and her last ditch effort was to have chemo.....she's had 3 rounds of radiation and can't have anymore. She's on massive morphine and vicodin.

I know that I'm personally not going through these events but they are both so so close to me....I just feel like I'm spiraling out of control. My food is whacked....been binging.....which of course is so hurtful emotionally and physically....I feel like ill from it...I know you all can comprehend. I have to say it though....can't hide behind the food anymore.

I need to get control......What happened to the last two months? Heck what happened to the last 10 months????

So in the state I'm in......as I cry as I'm writing this.....I will yet again begin again....I have too....I know I need to be strong for both of these dear women in my life.....

I have had so many people with cancer in my life that have died. I feel that my best friend will be fine....is it still shocking....yes! I know that my co-workers partner is in her process of dying....and yes that's devastating......

I need to get control of my food because I know this shall we say journey is going to get rougher and harder and I can't continue to hurt myself as I go through it with these wonderful people in my life. They are the ones going through the cancer.....I need to control my compulsive eating and handle myself.

I know this is intense but I just needed to write about it.....I don't know where to go with these feelings.....it's just so so sad............just so sad...........

Tomorrow is Saturday November 7, 2009. It will be a new day.....I need to be strong......I need to not use food to medicate......I need to "feel" the scary, sad feelings that areinside of me instead of "stuffing" them with food. Tomorrow is a new day......I'm trying again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My god Kay,
    I'm so sorry I hav'nt read this blog sooner. I wish life was easy. I wish life was fair.....It's not. It sucks. You are such an amazing person. I know you will be there for these friends, and it's hard to suggest what to do. But please take care of you. Please
    3118 days ago
    I'm thinking of you, Kay. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    emoticon emoticon

    3121 days ago
    I feel for you Kay! You are a very good friend and many things can get us down. A lot of what everyone said above I agree with! Take it one step at a time and don't forget to breathe! We are always here for you, when you need us!! I love you girl!!
    3121 days ago
    Actually.....I am crying for you Kay.

    Life certainly is NOT fair. I am so sorry.

    It is important you take care of yourself. You have been hit with too much and I wish I could help you in this burden.

    Know that you are loved.
    3122 days ago
    HI Kay - So hard reading about your friends, but the truth is you can't control cancer, so don't let it control you. Meaning, don't let cancer bring you to over eating. Sounds so easy, and yet it is so hard. I know you have to grieve, but then you will get up, brush yourself off and get down to the business of getting KAY healthy. That is something YOU can control!!!!! Love to you, my dear friend.

    chat later
    3122 days ago
    Your such a good friend that you take on their pain and hardships. Kay leave room for you too. The more good things you do for yourself the more you help your friends in the long run........Hugs........... emoticon
    3122 days ago
  • KATE294
    Hugs to you. It is very hard when we feel as if there is nothing we can do to help those we care about. These are things out of your control. But you can send them all of your love and good energy. Be there for any type of support even if it is just sitting with them. Make them laugh. And appreciate every moment of your day. emoticon Kate
    3122 days ago
    One step backward, two steps forward.
    How is you becoming obese helping them?
    Obesity is related to some cancers.
    Write down a list of healthier choices and choose from these.
    3123 days ago
    take care of yourself first or you will not be able to handle this, go for a stomp or run or dance, before you go with them, while you wait, after you return, it really does help, i have to too, this is our life - taking care of others, we need to be strong for it emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3123 days ago
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