Cat Etiquette

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get on to an Oriental rug, or a shagpile carpet.

Determine which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the evening. The guest wont dare push you off and will even call you ’nice kitty.’ If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the better.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

For guests who say ’I love kitties’, be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather or mosquito season.

If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For ladies knitting, curl quietly into the lap and pretend to doze. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table - pens, pencils, erasers - one at a time.

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 am.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CYNDY_55
    Just Like A emoticon Sly And Sneaky``` emoticon
    3765 days ago
  • MR.NET1
    emoticon I just love them!
    3766 days ago
    Sheesh, that is hilarious! My cat, Emmi, he was a stray that we "adopted", i.e, I felt sorry for him and made the idiotic mistake of actually feeding him, now he is a squatter who will never leave. I really love him, though, except for (as you said, between 2 and 4 am) when he decides he wants in...or he thinks he does..."stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather" - that is Emmi to a T!!! Lucky the little guy is cute or my boyfriend would not put up with it.
    3766 days ago
    So funny! Even if you do not have a cat, this is a keeper!
    3766 days ago
    Oh so true!
    3766 days ago
    So true, so true, so true!

    I just sent this one to my crazy cat daughter!

    3766 days ago
    OMG, YES! those are definitely my cats. love it!
    3766 days ago
    This is your best yet! They are all so true, cats are very peculiar! Thanks for sharing!
    3766 days ago
    Love it!! Everyone who has had a cat can appreciate this.
    3766 days ago
  • SRFRGRL7163
    Yep, so true. I asked my daughter what she was doing last night around 10 p.m., just sitting there in bed staring. She said she was waiting for our cat, Bella, to start scratching at the door, then she could lay down and go to sleep. Seems this is a nightly occurance between those two. Bella also loves to scare the crap out of you. When you walk through the hallway, she'll dart past and leap to the top of the doorway, clutching with all four paws, wrapped around the molding. I can't tell you how many times I've repainted this, and have since given up. Our Bella is a tiny 4 lb tuxedo who rules two mastiffs and several humans.....what a life they have!
    3766 days ago
    Interesting perspective! Very funny!
    3766 days ago
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