...and then there's the other side of it (Oct 26 blog continued)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
So - I'm now ignoring as many of the little, less than supportive, downright hurtful, occasionally mean comments that people make about those of us who have lost weight. But there is, of course, another side of it.
If I'm going to choose NOT to be unduly influenced by the negative stuff people blurt out for no reason, I'm also going to choose to find my positive support more from within myself than from outside sources.
I started thinking about this after reading a long thread with many postings on "What are you most proud of so far on this journey?". It surprised me to read over and over again that people were most proud that someone had made a positive remark about their weight. After all of their incredible hard work, perseverance, changing habits, resisting saboteurs, learning to exercise, learning to say no - after all of this self determination, the thing they're MOST proud of is someone else's opinion?
No wonder we get completely bent out of shape if someone makes a negative remark! Yes - we're forever linked to our community of people through biological, spiritual and social necessity. But, at some point, we have to learn to hear our own voice first. When we are constantly seeking outside approval - we are temporarily chuffed to receive it but it isn't long before that feeling wears off and we're off to seek someone else's validation of our worth. Then, when someone dismisses our efforts by saying "you know, for a small person you have a big belly" - we become angry, depressed, sad and focussed on figuring out what that actually meant (and asking all our spark friends for an opinion!). And those negative feelings stay with us a lot longer than the temprorary glow of someone's simple praise.
So - I love compliments - especially one's that recognize what else I've achieved on this journey besides becoming thinner (I am sssooooo much more than the size of my butt!) but I put them into the same place as I put those annoying little put downs. I seek to find personal satisfaction and self pride over my accomplishments every day. I celebrate myself - what I've done, what I can do, what I am going to do! I look inside for my truth and leave the rest of it outside where it belongs.