One Week

Sunday, October 25, 2009

This weekend I don't feel like doing much of anything. Yesterday was rainy so I felt I had an excuse. Today is sunny but I still don't feel like moving. I plan to make myself go out for a walk this afternoon.

This is the first weekend I am home alone after mom died. This still doesn't feel like my home. Hard to believe I now own a home. I have enjoyed a bit of puttering about and picking up this or that and sweeping. With just me, nothing gets that dirty.

At work last Friday, I needed to go see a client in the same place where mom died. Wasn't easy to go back there.

I feel like I am in a funk. I am not my usual self. I guess that is to be expected. I've been sleeping a lot this week. Next weekend I am hoping to go to Vermont and spend some time with Kevin for Halloween. This week I feel like I am just going through the motions of what I need to do. I feel like a robot.
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    emoticon My guess is that you are still "recovering" from your mom's death. It should be expected and I do hope that you are able to make it to Vermont and visit with Kevin.
    4221 days ago
    (((hugs))) and prayers, Kerry.
    4221 days ago
    emoticon to help you make it through the week. I hope you're able to make it to Vermont this weekend.
    4221 days ago
    Sleep sounds good, sounds like your body is taking over and beginning the healing... I'm sure your SPARK will be there for you when you're ready...!

    4222 days ago
    emoticon Being in a funk is to be expected right now. It's so hard to lose a parent, and you and your mom were so close that it may hit you harder than it does others.

    Get out and enjoy the sunshine.
    4222 days ago
    *HUGS* Time does help, but allow yourself the time to grieve. A funk is expected.....it's so tough losing a parent, especially when you are so close your mom (like I was too). It's so tough. I lost my mom right before Mother's Day and just about lost it every time I heard an ad for it.... :( Just be patient with yourself and give yourself the time to grieve. And remember we are here if you need us.
    4222 days ago
    It takes a very long time to find a new "normal" in your life. There are all sorts of ways to react to the death of a loved one, and your reaction is very common. I think it's even harder on you because absolutely everything around you reminds you of your loss.

    I know what you mean about feeling like a robot. Numb and unable to make decisions. Going through the motions of life. I don't know if it helps to hear that it's normal and that you'll begin to feel and to care about things again. For me it wasn't one day a robot and the next day not. It was one day all robot, the next day a few minutes of not being a robot, and the next day after that a few minutes more. I'm still a robot at times.

    Five months after my mother's death, I still can't drive by the hospital where she died without feeling a flood of grief. It's the same when I drive by the care unit where she lived in the end. I avoid it as much as possible.

    Eventually you'll want to create a place for yourself that is all your own. You'll feel very guilty about changing things if you get rid of anything because you'll feel like you're pushing your mother out. Most likely, though, you can't keep everything and still have a place of your own. One thing that helped me was to choose certain things among all my mother's things that would honor her memory. I set aside some pieces of her jewelry, one of her favorite needlepoints, her favorite mixing bowl, and a few more of her very personal favorites that also brought the memory of the best of my mother's life back to me. Many of her other very personal items went with family members right away. It was easier to deal with the less personal things of hers after I did that, or move from thinking of them as hers and learning to think of them as mine.

    Think about moving some of the things you know you'll need to dispose of to a storage space for a time. It will help with the transition. It might also help to rearrange the things that are there to give you a new perspective. Maybe slipcover a sofa or chair to bring a newer look to a room. Maybe add some small items (colorful throw pillows or an area rug, for example) that reflect your personality. Doing things like that will help you feel like you're living more in your own house and less in your late mother's house.

    Know that time will help soothe the pain and you will find your balance again. Be as compassionate and good to yourself as you were to your mother. As a caregiver child, you have known what it is to be an angel on Earth.
    4222 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/25/2009 1:16:11 PM
    ((HUGS)) Your funk is to be expected, Kerry! Hang in there! A walk on a sunny day sounds like a wonderful idea! Remember we're here for you!
    4222 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5759463
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand because I lost my mom a year ago. You are still grieving! This takes time, how long differs with each person. Allow yourself to grieve. It's okay! This is how you get past the pain and you really do need to allow yourself (without feeling guilty for the grieving) to go through it. It's how we heal. My thoughts are with you.

    4222 days ago
    When my mother died it took some time for me to feel right again. I went head long into a downward spiral. I think somedays that I will never feel right about losing her. But she raised me to be strong and independent. Focus on doing things that make you happy right now (Not eating though.) remember that that kind of happiness turns to unhappiness down the line.

    Chin up. Things will get better.

    4222 days ago
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