Where I'm At...
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Okay so its 10pm on a Saturday night. And my feeling is exhaustion yet very content with having such a productive day. This is the 2nd of my free weekends since quitting my job and focusing on myself and school. I got up at 7 on my own, made a healthy deliecous breakfast of fruit, omelette, yogart and oj. Plugged away at homework from about 8:30-noon. Got TONS done. Had a snack got ready, pack up gym stuff and hit the gym. Worked out from 12:30-2:30....jogging, elliptical, bike, treadmill, stepper, felt so, so, so good after. Went home...3pm ate lunch. Again 3:30-6:30pm plugged away at homework, got TONS done again. Then 6:30-8pm went grocery shopping, got food for week. Came home made dinner, beef and veggie stir fry! and cleaned and cut veggies for week 8-9:30pm. Then I decided its time to re-evaluate my goals and here I am! Where are my University friends on a saturday night? Out at the bar, but where am I here, and happy to be here!
So I started this crazy last ditch, which was really a first time full effort to lose this weigh on January 1, 2009. The first 4 months I did better then I ever thought possible! I managed my final semester of 4th year University and went to the gym daily and ate healthy and felt great! I managed to lose 83lbs in 4 months and completely change my lifestyle........then school ended at the end of April and my body basically shut down.....
i had pushed myself beyond limits. I felt great and I looked great, but my body was physically saying no. I was throwing up for no apparent reason seveal times a day, I was waking up at 4am sweating with my heart racing, literally thinking I was having a heart attack. I couldn't sleep, but when I was up it constantly felt like I was in a daze. I lost all structure and order in my life. I had no classes or school and I immediatley felt the need to fill my life with someonething else. I got 3 jobs and began working crazy numbers of hours simply as I felt i needed to do this at the time. Throughout May and June my exercise regime decreased considerably. By my Birthday, June 27 I was back to hovering around 350lbs and had stopped going to the gym all together. Then I made the worst decision of my life and worked 2 full time jobs throughout July and August and completley and utterly 'relapsed'.
By relapse I mean full out relapse. I ate out daily, several times daily. Didn't make it to the gym once in July and August and pretty much worked 10 hours a day and did nothing but work, eat and eat some more. Then september rolled around......
I began teachers college, an 8 month program on September 1. For the first 2 weeks of September I started going back to the gym several times weekly. I ate good, and weirdly enough the scale at the gym was 'broken' during these times and I never weighed myself. Then I made another poor decision and decided I would try to work and go to school at the same time. I spent every friday/saturday/sunday working and during the week in school then homework at night.....bye bye gym....I didn't even go grocery shopping. I began eating out again or random stuff that I could buy at the convenience store. Then it hit me mid-Oct, what was I doing to myself? Why? I actually had a kid at work (I worked at a hotel geared towards children) come up to me who I was talking to before and giving prizes and he said why is your tummy so big? This was a 5 year old talking, who obvsiously didn't know better, but it made me really think.
To be honest it was getting so bad my unifrom which I had just got in May was pretty much bulging and a button actually ripped off at one point. I knew things were quickly going astray and if I didn't stop things I would be back to where I started in no time.
Therefore I quit my job! I foced soley on school. I am in school or placement monday to friday 8-4 daily anyway.....plus homework, literally 20 or more hours a week on top of that. Last weekend was my first free weekend and it felt so good. I went grocery shopping again, to the gym twice, got lots of homework done so I had time during the week!
Well today I decided to face the music with the scale......and verdict is better then I was expecting to be honest, but thats because I have already been re-with it for about a week and a half, and literally think I lost about 10lbs again already......anyways new number is 361.8lbs..........
Jan 1/09= 425lbs
May 1/09= 343lbs
Oct 24/09= 362lbs
20lbs in 5 months! and it happened so slowly and easily! Once I got below 350lbs I promised myself I would never, ever go over 350lbs again in my life....well I did....but I recognized it and I am changing this......
new goal is to get to 325lbs by January 1/2010....thats 100lbs in one year, and another 37lbs to go in 10 weeks.........going to be VERY challenging, but I need to do this!
So what have I learned from my 'relapse'?
I'm the type of person who goes 100% or 0%, thats it...no middle ground. This time around I can still go 100% but I can do my program within reason. I was seriously doing 7 days a week with an average of 4 hours a day at the gym working hardocre the whole time, my body just couldn't hold out....My new program focuses on a more realistic approach 4-5 workouts a week consisting of about 1.5 hours at a time. A nutrition program focusing on tracking types of foods but not exact calories at first. I was before eating 1500 calories a day and wokring out 4 hours a day buning an additional 3000 calories just in exercise daily....a 400lbs person could not live on this and this was making my body shut down!
So why this rant? I need to get it out! I need to make sure this doesn't happen again. Yes I will struggle, yes I will have bad days, but I will not have 4 month relapses.......
To be honest one thing on this site which really bothered me was seeing how all these inspirational sparkpages and motivators seemed to disappear. It made me wonder what has happened to so many people that stop using this site? Sadly I have to assume many go back to old ways....why as it is easier! This is hard im not going to lie, but I am so worth this.
I am here to stay this time around and I am not dwelling on the past. I am going to stick to this and take it one day at a time. Yes Im not perfect, but yes I have made amazing progress. Saying I have lost 63lbs in 10 months is an achievment I am proud of and not one that many people can say they have done.......
I want to also say to my 20 somethings with 100lbs to lose team I am sorry. I am sorry for disappearing as a leader, I let you down and I let myself down. There were 10 leaders on that team and every single one of us dissappeared....this is not right, and it can't happen again.
So there! thats my life for the last few months!
Oh, and teachers college I absoloutley love!!! I am in my own classes at school mon-wed and thurs and fri I am in a school observing and teaching. I start my actual teaching daily soon in November. This is a passion I absoloutley love and something I am so happy I am doing.
So my new goal is to look towards 2010 and see how much I can accomplish by Jan 1. At that time I will re-evaluate.
Im also soooo pumped about the BLC starting up again on our 20 somethings team! Just what I need to get back on track....and oh ya Im running this challenge for like 100 something people by myself....where I will find the time for this I don't know, but I will be on spark instead of tv or doing nothing from now on.
Anyways its 11pm and I feel sooo mcuh better now. Bed time :)
I simply had to get this out, and now that I have I am moving on!!!!
Thanks for your support Sparkfriends, I couldn't do this wihtout all of you!