whoa, you mean actually someone read my ramblings????
Saturday, October 17, 2009
now that's a surprise. even though i didn't set any privacy modes, HOPING that someone will want to read it.
Well, as you may have figured out, this is not my first foray into trying to lose weight. The last time came just about 3 years ago, when i managed to lose 40 lbs through meticulous calorie counting and lots of walking and practically no stress. At the time the list of motivators (or rather consequences of not following through with taking care of myself) were these:
1. no sex life--yep. still there. i don't even know, do people talk about stuff like this here? taking 40 lbs down resulted in twin pregnancy within a split second of me deciding that it may actually be a good idea to have a kid. Now, it's a couple of years later and i'm obviously back to square one, 'cause you know, having sex is physically demanding, not to mention that you have to be appealing to the partner, but it's kinda difficult to maintain appeal if you are feeling and looking like a fat dump.
2. no sexy clothes and lifetime of shopping in fat stores-yep. Lane Bryant, or how I swore that i won't cross the threshold that is your door again, but, alas, your plus size roomy garments call me back.
3. child with fat mother--well, make it 3 kids with fat mother...
4. no good disability/life insurance--i have a decent life insurance now, but disability will be a problem.
5. lifetime of pain in the back and neck--Yep. still there.
6. no cute high boots--'cause my calves won't fit in them---WELL, this is one that i did manage to fix, 'cause i bought cute boots a couple of years ago and they still fit, but this is a minor motivator.
7. pathetic sitting at home on weekends and not being able to enjoy my life 'cause i dont' wanna hang out with people because i'm fat.--yep. still there.
8. disappointing my mother (yet again)--yep. still there.
9. looking like a fat dump if a relative of mine decides to get married and have a wedding.--well, since then the relative in question did get married, looked frigging smashing and i was a 4 mo pregnant blimpo in a bridesmaid's dress. Moreover, the relative in question just had her first baby and my mother ALREADY told me that UNLIKE ME, she'll have no problem keeping the weight off. Really, the issue with me is NOT losing the weight postpregnancy, it's gaining it all back and then some because of voracious appetite due to breastfeeding. Well, i'm done having kids, so now i really have no excuse.
10. not providing motivation for my husband to lose weight.--this is a biggie. unlike me, he's hypertensive, and since i gained all my prepregnancy weight back, he's gained a beer belly, and while i LOVE him to death, this worries me to no end. Moreover, he is afraid to diet and to lose weight while i'm at my blimpiest because he worries that i'll get more depressed. But he is the one who needs it from health standpoint EVEN MORE THAN ME!!!!!! so....basically, until i do it--he won't....
believe it or not, this has been therapeutic. and i like the fact this is relatively anonymous....