I miss you. 12.21.08

Friday, October 16, 2009

I'm writing this as tears flow down my face. It's one of the most difficult things for me & it always will be. I've been EXTREMELY CLOSE to my family & extended family since I was born. I've spent countless days and nights at my grandparents house jumping on their trampoline, playing cards, eating delicious food, watching the baseball game with my grandpa, or just hanging around. They've came to millions of my softball games, school plays, school musicals, grandparents day at school, church events, etc. On December 21, 2008 my Grandpa passed away. Every single day I struggle with the pain of not having him around. About two years prior he had been diagnosed with melanoma which eventually began to spread to his whole body. I had seen him just about two or three weeks earlier when we had gotten together for Thanksgiving. His hair had started growing back & he looked great. 7 days before December 21, 2008 I got a call from my mother at work. My grandpa was in the hospital and it didn't look to good. I was devastated, with tears rolling down my face I walked into my managers office and told her I had to leave. Within an hour or so I got to the hospital. I walked back through the emergency room doors and saw my grandpa. He was doing better than when he had initially came in but he was still kind of out of it. I'm sobbing as I think about this but when I was back there he was telling all of the nurses that were back there that I was his granddaughter & he was so proud of me. After a few days in the hospital he was able to go home. Hospice care was set up at the house to make the environment more comfortable for him.For the next week everytime I was there, even if he was sleeping, I sat next to him and held his hand. The last time I ever saw [December 19, 2008] him I told him that I loved him knowing he was too weak to respond. Even through his weakness he told me that he loved me too & that night I cried the whole way home from his house knowing that things weren't looking too good. On Sunday, December 21, 2008 I went to church just like any other normal Sunday. A guest band was playing from a college and I thought my grandfather would have loved them so much! That afternoon I begged my mother to let me go to my grandma & grandpa's house with her & she said no because she didn't want for me to see him in the state that he was in. While my aunt, uncle & grandma were praying over him & telling him that my grandma had a great support system with her four daughters & their families he passed away. My mother arrived and called me and the first words out of my mouth were "tell him that I love him" that's when she broke the news to me that he had passed away. My dad and I were the only ones home at that time and I sobbed in my father's arms for what seemed like forever. I miss my grandpa so much and everyday there is something that I want to tell him, but can't. In May 2009 I became a leader at our churches youth group. My grandfather would have been so proud of me! I used to talk to him about the missions trips I was going on and he always wanted to go with me! He was always praying for me & he was such a Man of God.For a few months after his death I would have dreams about him & then they slowly started fading away [which upset me greatly]. Last night I HAD A DREAM :] A dream which felt so real to me. I was able to hug him & laugh with him. And I did something I never got to do before I told him I was a leader now at church and he told me how proud he was of me. I was so excited when I woke up this morning!! It's my first dream that I've had with him in awhile & being able to hug him was the best feeling. Grandpa Lewis, I miss you so much & I love you. I wish you were still here with us. But I know that you're watching over us from above. emoticonI love you. 12. 21.08
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, your dream is so real. Your Grandpa is with you, and you can talk to him. And he can hear you, and you can hear him, just listen.

    XXOO, Cheryl
    3144 days ago
    I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had a very special bond with him.
    3145 days ago
    You wrote a beautiful tribute to your grandfather. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings. You touched my heart.
    3145 days ago
    I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Nan on July 19 2009 but the last time I saw her alive was in October of 2008 and knew that was likely the last time I'd see her, I got into town the night before she passed unexpectedly, I had been going to see her the morning she died. She was a huge influence in my life like your Grandpa Lewis was.

    I have had so many dreams like you've had that have softened the loss a little. I miss her everyday but like you, I know she is watching me from above and is not suffering anymore. I mourn my loss, not her finding peace in heaven.

    Bless you and I hope you continue to find comfort and heal from this terrible loss.
    3145 days ago
  • JLINK1972
    That was a wonderful blog even though it made me cry.
    3145 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by ANEWELYSE