Life as we know it
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Things tend to go as they go and those of us living tend to go along for the ride. My Laptop crashed on Sunday after I got home from the Blessing of the Animals at Church and I have been without computer access until last evening. The days without my favorite distraction gave me some good time to think and reflect.
In planning mom's services, I am so totally overwhelmed by all the wonderful life lessons she taught me. How to live my life so I could always look at myself in the mirror with healthy pride, to be there for others, to do the right thing because its the right thing to do, to care for all creatures, to be able to laugh at yourself, how to be totally vulnerable and trust that you will be love and cared for, and finally; how to let go knowing that the love shared will always be with you.
I find that these past few days, even though sadness creeps in, I am feeling more joy for all that mom and I shared and are, and continue to be. I find myself laughing at memories and taking time to not only smell the flowers, but to smell the crisp Autumn leaves as they fall around me, to enjoy the caress of the wind, to take a walk for the sheer enjoyment of life. These are things that mom and I used to do together and they are comforting now to do as I feel they connect me to everything. They connect me to life as I walk and contemplate, and they connect me to death as those beautiful falling leaves that flutter and spin in the wind will soon be buried under the fallen snow and the seasons will once again dance their dance. Life and death are one.
This journey with mom has made me even more determined to take care of myself, and if I can borrow the Army's saying; to "be all that I can be". To make of life what I want and to do it now as time really is fleeting. The 50 years I had with mom were just the blink of an eye. It seemed like just yesterday that I was catching frogs and climbing trees, learning to ride a bike, finally learning cursive writing ( I felt grown up then), experiencing my first kiss, and spending endless hours daydreaming of what my life would become. I now continue my journey to create my life and watch it unfold and to celebrate the unfolding even in the hurtful parts as no doubt life is unfolding just as it should.
Today, I am happy and thoughtful and sad in places, but most of all grateful for life and time and being present in the process. Today is a wonderful day.