My Biggest Challenge

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I just went into the fridge to make myself something to eat. I am sitting here in tears. Hubby brought home a box of cadbury chocolate bars. I am feeling so down right now it is unbelievable. I have been on my journey for almost five months now and I have done very well. I have taken off almost 46 pounds.I exercise daily in some form. I feel so much better. I have many more up times than I have down times. I only seem to get really down now when I am tired, except for this moment in time. I fight with myself constantly over this matter. Yes I am changing the way I eat and he is not.
Hubby will eat some canned veggies once in a while, but as a rule, lives on french fries, hamburgs, hot dogs , bacon and eggs. That is how he likes to eat. He weighs about 120 pounds soaking wet, has no stomach and is 56 years old. He constantly brings home potato chips, pop, licorice allsorts, good and plentys, and various baked goodies.
I realize that this eating practice is what has put me at such a high weight in the first place. I no longer eat that way.
He supports my efforts in the way that he gives me the money to go buy what I would like in the way of food, but he will not purchase it for me, unless specifically asked to pick something up on the way home.
Not once has he mentioned my weight. Never in our 35 years together has my weight mattered to him in any way. Whatever I want to do is fine with him, as long as I don't try to change his habits.
He doesn't see that I feel unsupported by him. If I mention it, his response is" I give you the money to buy what you want to eat, so what's the problem?"
The problem is, how much will power am I expected to have? These mini chocolate bars should not seem like such a big deal,however, I am seeing it as an attempt to thwart my efforts. Hubby knows how much I love chocolate, he knows that chocolate is my biggest weakness. He also is well aware that I can sit and eat an entire box of mini chocolate bars without even thinking. I just keep going to the fridge and grabbing one or two, until they are all gone. I know that I can have a couple and put them in my food tracker and be done with it, but my fear is that I won't stop at a couple. God I feel so very alone right now!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I support you 100%. Whatever the reason why your hubby didn't respect your food boundaries - he needs to know what is OK and what is not OK. It's all about respect. And I have confidence that the boundaries for where to store food are clearly communicated to your family so you can feel safe when opening the fridge. Things that are not OK for you can be stored somewhere else. Period. He can get his own fridge for his high-carb food so you don't have to see it- ever.
    You have a right to have your food boundaries honored by your family. The hubby can have a special cupboard for his stash. If he forgets and puts it in "harm's way" you can move it and thank him for respecting your boundaries. He will get the hint. Your need for safe food in the fridge is just as important as his needs. Anyway, I wanted you to know that you deserve R-E-S-P-E-C-T regarding your food boundaries. Draw the line on what is Ok for you and let him know! Put the chocolate somewhere where you don't have to see it! It doesn't matter if he gets it or not - it doesn't matter if he complains that you moved his chocolate - set the boundary and enforce it. Men understand rules. They don't understand emotions very well - they understand rules - set them and enforce them. Consistently. This is just the way men think. It's nothing personal.
    You go girl and know that you are supported by your friends here at SPARK.
    3453 days ago
    Let me just start by saying men can be real Commit to the Idiot type morons. We love them dearly, but they would fail miserably at the game Clue. It's possible that your hubby IS seeing the changes in you, but is not commenting on them. And perhaps he feels threatened by how much you're changing, not only physically, but emotionally. Your confidence is high, you're putting yourself first as far as health is concerned, and you feel very proud of your efforts--as you well should! There are people out there who have no idea what a daily (and sometimes minute by minute) struggle it is to not overindulge in food. They can eat what they want and don't think twice about the after-effects, because the weight doesn't pile on (not to say it's not destroying their insides with fat, sugar, etc). But even if they don't understand it, what they SHOULD understand is that it is OUR struggle, and therefore, it should be respected. Maybe tell your husband that you don't want to know about it when he comes home with goodies. Tell him to not even tell you about it...that he can support you THAT way, not just financially. And if he continues to wave the things in your face, a nice subtle douse of hot sauce on a piece of licorice ought to do the trick! LOL!! As BB and Susan said, you are NOT alone. Every single person here will tell you that you are BETTER and STRONGER than the chocolates, candies, etc. If the things are in the fridge now, open that door up and stick your tongue out at them and slam the door shut. They are NOT going to win this battle...YOU are. And you have a whole battalion right by your side!!!

    3453 days ago
  • SUSAN134
    ...What BB said!!!

    Deb, you are NOT alone. We are here and we are pulling for you. Men can be terribly numbskulled at times and because your hubby does not have a weight problem, he probably is just not thinking. No excuse, though.

    Give him the box of chocolate bars and tell him to keep them
    somewhere out of your sight. Explain that it isn't fair to you to have temptation like this thrown at you right now. You've done too excellent of a job at losing the 46 lbs to have
    it sabotaged.

    I am so sorry that your husband is so unthinking, that right there is your biggest challenge. Support is so important - please remember that you do have support here, and unlike
    Mr. Saldaba6, we understand totally!

    Big Hug to you my friend!
    3453 days ago
    You're not alone! I wish I were close enough to give you a big hug cause it sounds like that's what you really need. You are not alone. There are so many of us here that are fighting the same fight that you're fighting and you're winning the fight!! You've lost 46 lbs! That's amazing!! Don't let his insensitivity destroy what you've worked so hard for!! I wish I had something inspiring to say to help you but I don't have the answer. I've done more than my share of over eating... but you've come too far to let let those darn little chocolate bars and hubby's insensitivity ruin what you've accomplished!!!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3453 days ago
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