My Biggest Challenge
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
I just went into the fridge to make myself something to eat. I am sitting here in tears. Hubby brought home a box of cadbury chocolate bars. I am feeling so down right now it is unbelievable. I have been on my journey for almost five months now and I have done very well. I have taken off almost 46 pounds.I exercise daily in some form. I feel so much better. I have many more up times than I have down times. I only seem to get really down now when I am tired, except for this moment in time. I fight with myself constantly over this matter. Yes I am changing the way I eat and he is not.
Hubby will eat some canned veggies once in a while, but as a rule, lives on french fries, hamburgs, hot dogs , bacon and eggs. That is how he likes to eat. He weighs about 120 pounds soaking wet, has no stomach and is 56 years old. He constantly brings home potato chips, pop, licorice allsorts, good and plentys, and various baked goodies.
I realize that this eating practice is what has put me at such a high weight in the first place. I no longer eat that way.
He supports my efforts in the way that he gives me the money to go buy what I would like in the way of food, but he will not purchase it for me, unless specifically asked to pick something up on the way home.
Not once has he mentioned my weight. Never in our 35 years together has my weight mattered to him in any way. Whatever I want to do is fine with him, as long as I don't try to change his habits.
He doesn't see that I feel unsupported by him. If I mention it, his response is" I give you the money to buy what you want to eat, so what's the problem?"
The problem is, how much will power am I expected to have? These mini chocolate bars should not seem like such a big deal,however, I am seeing it as an attempt to thwart my efforts. Hubby knows how much I love chocolate, he knows that chocolate is my biggest weakness. He also is well aware that I can sit and eat an entire box of mini chocolate bars without even thinking. I just keep going to the fridge and grabbing one or two, until they are all gone. I know that I can have a couple and put them in my food tracker and be done with it, but my fear is that I won't stop at a couple. God I feel so very alone right now!!!