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Why can't we all just get along

Monday, October 05, 2009

If anyone has any advice from experience about this situation, please send me an e-mail or something. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

My mom is on her third marriage. I don't think bad of her for any of the decisions she made to end up in three marriages, but my step-father drives me up the wall. He moved in when I was 12 and they got married a few years later. He started out really nice and told us (my mom, my 2 siblings and I) that he wasn't going to take the place of anyone in our lives but wanted to really be a parent and really be there (unlike the other 2). I'm sure that many people find the step parent isn't all they thought he (or she) would be, but he is off the wall. He started our really nice and we atleast felt like he wanted to take care of us and cared about our futures. He wouldn't even let me date unless he met the guy first... so on and so forth. So, my now husband when I was 14 wanted to date me and bravely (yes!!!) asked my step dad if he could. My step dad was pretty impressed said yes and we started dating. Eventually things happened, we broke up for a couple of stints, but in the end I moved in with him and got married to him. Now we have been married for 4 years (together for a total of 9). Step dad didn't really like this, but I didn't care because I love my husband and he has really taken good care of me. However, everytime we go to my mom's house, my step dad has to cut down my husband. He says some really mean things to him and never apologizes or says he is just joking (atleast not to my husband). Rarely, he will tell my mom or me (as we are leaving) that he was just kidding, but never says anything positive either, like "I'm just joking, I know he treats you well". Usually he says something like "You guys will never have what we do" "He (my husband) will hold you back". This sounds bad, but we actually have a nicer home than my parents and people love to visit us. My step dad hasn't had a true friend in a long time and he thinks his money makes people like him. I have tried to brush it off a jealousy before, but it still bugs me. Yesterday was the real kicker. My grandfather, whom I haven't seen in 2 years, was visiting. He had only been at my parents for 20 minutes. My husband was talking to him and my step was listening. After a couple minutes my step dad looked right at me and said "Watch out, because I'm going to cut your husband down in a second." I told him not to, but he did anyways. I had to beg my husband to go there in the first place, so he already felt on edge. He just knew my step dad was going to say something and he did. So he told everyone that this was why he didn't like to come over to their home anymore and he a few minutes later he decided to leave. My mom and my brother really backed me and my husband, thankfully, but it just makes it even harder to plan visits to see my mom and my brother and sister. I just don't know what to do and it has been really hard to comfort my husband. Maybe I just needed to vent and he just needs to cool off.

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