Saturday, August 19, 2006

Today’s Journal Questions was: Write about an experience when God revealed Himself to you in such a way that you knew He was very intimately aware of your life and your needs. The following is what God brought to my rememberance.
There are many instances where I have known that God was aware of me but one in particular is when he began to drawn me back to him.

In Nov 04 right the Monday after Thanksgiving my Memaw became very the point that we believed she was going to die. I had not prayed in several years but at this point I called out and asked God to keep her alive to see her great-grandchildren. I knew I had no right to ask this considering I had turned my back on God several years earlier but all the same I made the promise so many do in an hour of need, "God if you do this (keep her alive) I will serve you." So she began to get better. When she began to improve I quit talking to God again and push any thoughts of serving him away. At Christmas she was still in the hospital and had began to get sick again. I thought well God I'm not going to serve you because she is not all better. Then on Christmas day my Poppa was admitted to the same hospital on the same floor opposite ends. This crushed me because Christmas is one of the few times in a year I get to see my family. So I began to pray again. "God hear me, make them well and I PROMISE I will serve you." They began to get better. Poppa came home and Memaw went to a rehab place for therapy. I stopped praying again. Then my Mama got sick. Now there are 4 people (humans) who are most important to me. John, my Mom, my Memaw and my Poppa. I started to pray but felt no help. In fact John and I began to fight to the point that I was really thinking about leaving and finding someone else. This made me so angry that I screamed out to God "WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME! I promised I would serve you if you made it okay but you are making it worse" At that point I began to cry. I literally felt my heart soften. I poured out my soul to God and told him that all of the people who where most important in my life were about to be gone. All of a sudden I felt His loving arms around me and the comfort I needed was right there telling me to "come home" to him. That he was all I needed and in him even if things didn’t come out right he would give me peace. During that time of prayer I reconnected with the God of my Salvation. I realized how far I had gone away. I realized that I was in the pig pen eating slop and didn’t know how to get out. So my God, the one who loved me so much that he gave His Son (the most important thing in all creation to him) to die for me, didn’t wait to come to me when I looked right and smelled right. He didn’t wait until I could reach the church house or find someone holier than me to help me pray through. No as my tear drops were falling and I was sitting in the "pig pen" he came into that pig pen and sat down, pulled me into his arms, and calmed my troubled soul. It was at that moment that I became oh so intimately aware that God truly loves me just as I am. He loves me no matter what. He loves me just for me and for that I LOVE HIM ALL THE MORE!

I challenge anyone who is reading this today to take some time and journal about the moment you knew God intimately cared for you. If you don’t know one off the top of your head go back and write about when you first came to him or when you returned after backsliding. Talk about how desperate you were even though no one else knew. Let your thoughts freely flow with no concern of anyone else reading it. This is for you and God. Just take a few moments unrushed to remember how much the Savior loves you!

Be Blessed!
Tina C.
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