I'm back...and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?
Monday, September 28, 2009
There isn't an excuse for what happened. It's all me. We had some technical issues (no longer have a working laptop/desktop crashed 2x), we've been traveling (Vegas, around TX), etc. Excuses but I should have found a way...
I 'let' being diagnosed with Crohn's be catastrophic to my getting healthy routine. I went into such a funk about it. It took months to get 'normal' if there's such a thing. I think I've gotten things pretty under control but there's days that just suck with pain that lands me in bed in in btwn potty breaks.
So I haven't exercised nor watched what I eat in months except for figuring out I can't have corn at all (lol) I let all the other sparkers on teams I was a part of down and I'm sorry for that.
I should have lost 50lbs by August. I've now gained back what I lost and am 13lbs above that. I should have been able to walk all over the place while in Vegas, I had my dh drop me and the kids off at the shopping places we wanted to visit. Clothes should be fitting me better, but I look like a stuffed sausage in some of them. My BP should be low but well, that could have something to do with my family driving me crazy lol ANyway, lots of should haves...but I didn't. So I felt like such a loser and what did I do? Ignored the emails from spark people and didn't come back sooner.
Yesterday I turned 40 yrs old. It's not 40 and fit or fab...it's 40 and still FAT. I have decided I'm done. Yea, I've had crappy things happen these last 6 mos but so has everyone else. I don't own the crown on 'feel sorry for me' So what am I going to do?
Ask your forgiveness in letting you down in challenges. And I'm going to FORGIVE myself for screwing up. I'm going to jump back on the wagon of getting healthier and it'll take baby steps for sure but I HAVE to do it or I'll be 40something and dead. Failure's not an option anymore. I'm not saying I won't have bad days or want to quit. That's when I'll need you the most, I need you to prod me along, nicely or not so nicely if I need that too. lol