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Back in the saddle again.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Here we go again. Almost 2 months since I baled off the bandwagon.

I can't pinpoint an exact reason why.

Financially we were in hell...but we were there in June/July too and I was rocking!

Kids were getting restless and fighting...but they're kids. They do that ALWAYS!

I know my swimsuit pics did a number on my psyche (I was really upset to look like that after 100 lbs. I know better than 100 lbs ago but it still did a number).

Life was busy and very social but hey, that's life.

I don't know why I collapsed but I did. I went through a mini depression almost and I am NOT a depressive person but I just...fell.

With each passing day that I didn't get time to exercise or ate the wrong thing I felt more self dread and drifted farther and farther away.

And for some strange reason, instead of being motivated by my amazing 8 week challenge friends I found myself jealous of them and guilty for letting them down which drew me farther away.

With each day away I got more embarrassed and afraid to show my face again.

Logical?? No.

No part of me during the last 2 months has been logical. Why would I let myself self-sabotage after losing 100 lbs?? Why would I go back?

I haven't weighed myself since August and I think I will avoid the scale for another week.

I have been back to the gym for a week and a half now but only today did I commit to my eating as well. I would go to the gym then stop for a latte on the way home or have a bag of chips for lunch (or half a tube of pillsbury cookie dough that I ate yesterday).

Again. Not logical.

BUT! Fincances continue to suck, kids continue to fight and I continue to have a social life but I am NOT going to be 300 lbs again and I need to stop the pattern now.

Thank you to all who have been trying to draw me back. I do love you all.

I am back.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • PRESHA811
    I know exactly how you felt. I let myself go for no good reason and the father away I got, the guiltier I felt and the worse I behaved. So glad to be back on SP!
    2671 days ago
    I share that front seat of the rollercoaster.

    Don't forget the most IMPORTANT RULE. You are IMPORTANT. Thats it. Take time for you.

    good luck and welcome back to reality. sometimes it stinks but its alot better than living in a fantasy.

    see my blog for some insight.

    Here is to YOU!
    2671 days ago
    The important thing is YOU CAME BACK. The past is the past. Let it go, move on and kick some tail! Glad you 'came home'. emoticon
    2672 days ago
    2672 days ago
    Miss Belinda....I'm so proud of you, amazed by you, inspired by you. So you fell for bit...so what...it's part of the ride. The important bit is that you got back up. You're tackling it again, you know how much better you feel for it, and you're taking control.

    We are all here for you if you need support, encouragement, someone to vent to. And know that we're all cheering you on, on the good days and the crappy ones....because we love you to bits and only want the best for you!!!
    3157 days ago
    Belinda, so glad you are back. Your blog was very courageous and a strong reminder that you are human and will make mistakes, but more importantly, you got back up! You are still a huge inspiration to me and nothing you do or say will ever change that!

    Big hugs,
    3159 days ago
    So glad to see you again. You were such a motivation to me in the last battle and even though I wasn't on red this time, I occasionally looked over there and wondered what happened. I am glad you are finding the motivation to come back. I know I have gained and lost the same pounds over an over through the years and I know I have to change my thinking for good. So very glad to see you pick yourself up and brush yourself off. Chin up!
    3161 days ago
    So happy to have you back my sweet Belinda! You might not believe it right now but you are fabulous. You really are. You are also such an inspiration. Above all, you are loved
    3161 days ago
    You know it sounds like a big combo of things led to a giant snowball! You fell...but now it is time to dust yourself off and push on! You have come some far! This journey is not easy..in fact I find it quite hard! But we have to pick our hard...right? Maybe you really needed a break for a minute?
    At times we are on a mountain top and other times we are in a valley. I pray you get on that mountain top again soon! You are so worth it and NO you will never go back! Learn from this fall.

    I adore you Belinda and I hear you when you say you are back!
    I hope I am not being selfish by telling you my journey just has not been the same without you!
    I am always here for you and I have truly missed you!

    Baby steps may be in order here...like just gradually start making the small changes that Spark taught us in the beginning.
    I want you to be happy and I want you to succeed!!

    Love you~~Hugs!
    3161 days ago
    Now that your honeymoon with the weight loss and life style change has ended begins your real marrige to it.That's why we are all here so that as we are not all down at the same time. Can help each other throwing each other a life line before drowning.I know of what I am talking about as after my six month honeymoon recently this last weeks had a relapse.So lets dust ourselves for now we are wiser than before.Now we really know that this is a life long struggle that is hard but that we can win .
    Need to remember to daily nuture our right wolf as the other is always watching to jump in.At least I knew that but really had not learned as now.
    A bear hug dear friend we all had been there and know what it is.There is nothing to feel shamed about on the contrary to be proud that you where able to come back.
    Marta Nydia emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3161 days ago
    Don't give up! You can reach your goals!

    3161 days ago
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