It's time to shut the bathroom door

Monday, September 21, 2009

Did you know Mama doesn't have a penis? Yeah... well now you do and so do quite a few people at my son's school, the gym and my SO's family and a number of friends.

About a week ago, I needed to pee desperately while at home alone with my kiddo. If it's just the two of us, I leave the bathroom door open so I can hear what he may be getting into. Silence in my house means trouble; silence followed by the giggles means ensuing chaos, so it's critical I keep an ear out for the little monkey. On this particular occasion, G followed me in to the bathroom and watched me go through the ritual of pants down and sitting.

G: Mama do you have to poo?
Me: No, Bug, I'm just gonna pee right now
G: Well it's ok if you stand up like me
Me: No honey I can't stand up to pee, I'll make a big mess, I don't have a penis like you do.
G: WHAT???? Let me see!!!

Here's where I paused. I'm not modest, my son isn't modest and I've brought him up to treat his body with respect but no shame and I try to set an example for him by not acting ashamed or secretive about mine. But I was really thrown for a loop by his demand to see the differences in our bodies.

I bribe my kid regularly and I negotiate more than I should, but I NEVER, EVER lie to him. I answer his questions with honesty and I don't dodge anything he asks. I must have sat on that toilet for five minutes with my shorts around my ankles and my son waiting for my answer before I decided how to deal with this little situation. I'm not sure if I failed him in some way, but I opted to skip over his request to actually see the difference and went with,

Me: Girls have vaginas and they're flat in front instead of penis' that stick out.
G: Why?
Me: I don't know why, but that's the way boys and girls are different.

I stood up and got dressed normally and exited the bathroom. We went back to his coloring book and chatted about whatever came to mind. Hours later my SO came home and took G to go pee in the potty and what do I hear, in a suspicious tone of voice from the little man, but "Do you have a penis?" While I'm silently laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face in the kitchen, SO says with a man chuckle (you know the one I mean), "Yes, yes I do." Gryph tells him "Well, Mama doesn't!" The next day he posed this same question to my ex-husband who replied with the same man-pride and absolutely roared with laughter when G shared my shocking lack of dangling appendage.

My son introduces himself and the rest of us any time he encounters new adults; servers at restaurants, nurses at his pediatrician's office etc. His first day at the gym went something like this, "My name's Gryphyn and this is Daddy, and that's my Mama and thats my Dave and my Oma's not here and they're my family. I have a penis but Mama doesn't."


I can only laugh and be grateful that this bout of childhood honesty will pass soon enough.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is great! I cannot help but laugh when I imagine the "blink blink blink" reaction when you were on the toilet. You have got to love little kids and their lack of filters. Life would be so much easier if we never developed them. emoticon
    3899 days ago
    Hi, I'm Nicole and I don't have a penis either.
    emoticon emoticon

    Kids are great, huh? I can't wait until my nephews reach that age... What fun things I can teach them and then send them home to their parents!
    3906 days ago
    thank God!!! For our kids.... we have to laugh and learn everyday too!!!
    3906 days ago
    And it only gets better! hahaha.....Gryphn sounds like a wonderful, little boy with an inquisitive mind....Fantastic! emoticon
    3906 days ago
  • NUTTE1
    Lol...That's a keeper for the 'bribery' book later!
    3907 days ago
    OMG&LOL,my oldesat did the same to us when little.I nearly died when he asked the Catholic preist if he had a penis, "because men aren't suppossed to wear dresses."(thank;s DH) I laughed remembering it. Now my Grands are at that age, and asking all the embarrassing questions. I prefere an open door policy, makes it easier later.Do enjoy him at this age, it does wear off fast enough.
    I laughed at the man pride, being the Mom, I didn't get that memo emoticon but often caught the vibe of it from the guys I worked and lived with.
    3908 days ago
    I absolutely love it! You can tell him Auntie D doesn't have a penis too - but definitely shut that bathroom door hahahahahaha
    3908 days ago
    LOL, too cute! Gage went around for a bit saying that, and that girls have a "fachina"...
    3908 days ago
    I'm Paul and I have a penis.... called Norman. emoticon

    3908 days ago
    Oh gosh! My kids are 21 and 17 now, and I miss those hilarious "coming of age" moments like you can't believe!!! I still tell my own versions of those stories. But thank goodness for mothers like us -- my own just turned red and embarrassed and stuttered and made us think we'd done something terrible when we made those discoveries.

    I like honesty MUCH better.

    Thanks for my morning giggle!!!
    3908 days ago
    Ha! We have an open-door policy for the same reason.
    3908 days ago
  • DAP1313

    I miss those days sometimes. Kids can be so funny. Enjoy it while it lasts.
    3908 days ago
    very funny and he is so adorable! emoticon
    3908 days ago
  • KIERA09
    I can only hope to have a kid one day as awesome as your Gryphyn. Seriously. OMG I think I wet my pants a little laughing.
    3909 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3566690
    Ah out of the mouths of babes. Enjoy it while it last.
    3909 days ago
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