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I was lying to myself

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I finally realized that for years I have been lying to myself. When I was younger I was always such a social person. I was always the first one up for anything! I would go out at the drop of a hat and loved to socialize. I now work in an industry that is very social. I have to talk to people all day long and make sure people are having a good time. I have always said that since working there, I don't really like people any more and when I get home, I don't want to talk to anyone, or go out and socialize, I just want to read or watch TV (and usually with a bag of chips and a diet pop or a beer).
I now realize that this was all a lie. I made up this excuse because I was heavy. I didn't want people that we grew up with to see me. I was lazy with all the extra weight, and too lazy to get dressed up. When I did get dressed up, I looked fat, no matter how hard I tried to dress in order not to, I still looked swollen and fat, there was no hiding it.
I am starting to get back to the real me, the social me, the happy me. The me, that wants to go out, talk to people, get dressed up and actually look OK, not puffed up and fat!

I feel like I am just waking up after so many years of being in a fog, and I darn well am not going to walk back into that fog and be a vegetable any more.
No more sitting on the couch! No more turning down invitations from friends, because I am too tired (what a stupid excuse)! I am not too tired, I am full of energy, I can do anything!! I am going to start to live life!!

Thanks you SP friends!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LSSNELL229
    I really just had an aha moment just now. I think we must be related, lol.

    There's so many days that I feel like this and hopefully I will get to this point. But reading this has really helped me understand part of the problem that I have with myself. You have no idea how much this blog has helped me.

    Much love,

    3163 days ago
    I am glad that you are making your way back to the real you. I believe that it will help you in your journey to a new lifestyle. So many of us deny who we really are and wear a mask that hides us and keeps us from being truly happy.

    Keep it up and keep learning throughout this journey I know that you will achieve success.
    3164 days ago
    I've been that way too and after I started losing weight, I started noticing that I wanted to socialize more.

    You are doing so great. Very proud of you.
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    3165 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
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    Great insight. Keep up the great work.
    3165 days ago
  • DAS92687
    That's super that you have recognized this about yourself and taking the steps to do something about it. I am so inspired by you today !!

    Have a great weekend. Get out there and do something and have fun!!
    3165 days ago
  • PAM19681
    I work from home so it was easy for me not to socialize any more. Friends will call and the excuse I am so tired from chasing kids I cant.... Until a wonderful friend helped. good luck
    3165 days ago
  • JEN200411
    Sometimes the better you feel about yourself the more you want to be surrounded by others. I can totally identify with your blog!
    3165 days ago
    Glad thing s are going better for you and you are feeling like yourself again. Good luck with everything. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3165 days ago
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    I really don't like to be around people anymore than I have to. I go to work and have to deal with people all day and I don't have a social life. But that's the way I like it. I can stay home for days and it doesn't bother me. My sisters are just the opposite, they are usually up for anything. I hope you find the enjoyment in life that you deserve.
    3165 days ago
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