Wednesday, September 16, 2009
That's what the elliptical kept telling me this a.m.... I was trying a "higher" workout this a.m. (I love my elliptical - it has a variety of programmed workouts I can utilize) so anyway, I was trying a more advanced one & every time I slowed down I got the "pedal faster" warning...I can see I need to speed up just by the display but this added reminder forces me to do just that - pedal faster! And guess what - that's it, that's my "solution" so to speak, I NEED TO PEDAL FASTER to win this battle!
My own personal epiphany - I thought I had this under control & was taking the right steps but there was still something not right, something I was not willing to own up to - still looking for an excuse instead of a solution even though I told myself I was doing the best I can - that I wasn't just trying but doing - but something was still stalling the weight loss. I've blogged about finding what works for me & working on the nutrition & how things are slowly coming together and I do feel that way, small steps, one at a time - eventually I will find what works for me - my own personal pep talk but deep down, was it just that - a pep talk?
Oh yeah, I may post the "right thing" on my SP & set some goals but really, have I been doing all that I need to do? No, I don't think so - yes, I have made changes & yes, I can see some results but still something wasn't quite right with my thought process...
Here I've been trying to figure out what I'm doing "wrong" - write about it, think about it constantly, talk to others about it but I just hadn't accepted the fact that bottom line, I need to just PEDAL FASTER! I had convinced myself (or so I thought) that as long as I was trying to be healthy and was making positive changes to my lifestyle that was good enough - but it's not - not for me, not yet. I need to lose weight, I need to get within the range of a healthy BMI - very close to leaving "obese" but still, right now, technically I AM obese and that has to change!
I've been reading tons of SparkPages & blogs & as always I am amazed at how much in common we all have - battling the scale daily and working on our self esteem when necessary all while trying to be positive - and on the days, we're not so positive - that's ok too - everyone completely understands... And yet, recently some thing has been "off" - I know better, I know I've had positive changes (I've certainly written about them) but still there was part of me that was thinking "why does this seem so much harder for me?" But it's hard for everyone - the blogs show that - and no matter what amount anyone is trying to lose - it is a struggle for each & every one of us - so maybe if "feels harder" for me - so what - suck it up buttercup - whining about it won't make it easier! Of course this is hard, nobody said it would be easy & of course it's going to take work - I just need to accept the fact that it may take more work - so what? I've played lip service to the "just do it" attitude but I don't think - no, I know - I haven't been completely honest with myself - yes, I'm doing it (the fitness anyway) but obviously I need to do "it" more for the weight to come off of me! that's a plain & simple fact that has FINALLY come to me this morning when I kept seeing that flash of "pedal faster" - accept it and deal with it cause when you do pedal faster the warning goes away & you're in the range - right where it wants you to be!
I found my previous journals & you know that they were almost word for word the same as my introduction (I sound like broken record!!) - so who have I been fooling all this time? Obviously just myself! Maybe I didn't have the support I needed before but here I do & instead of embracing that I have been internalizing things & making myself crazy. I don't need to do this alone (duh, why else would I be on SP?) SPIRITRUN & I have talked extensively about the nutrition & did I set my food tracker to visible like she suggested so I could take advantage of other people's input if needed? Nooo, because then she would see that there was plenty of room for improvement - am I scared that she or anyone else here would judge me? I didn't think so, that's what is so great about SP... but then, think about being at the grocery store - don't you look in other people's carts - and if they have a bunch of crap, don't you think to yourself "well no wonder they're big" so I guess as much as I say (think) woe is me do I really want others to see what I'm eating & think "well, no wonder she's not losing!" Silly, I know, but yet another facet to this whole weight loss/discovering ourselves journey - that part of us that wants to please others or only show what we want people to see, not what's way down deep - that's a scary concept for me, but I know it's by no means exclusive to me - my last few weeks of reading others' stories certainly shows that!
So why now? I have no idea, up until now I think I have been talking the talk but not necessarily walking the walk - obviously the workout jiggled something loose (at least I wasn't crying!!) - the wall I've been hiding behind, perhaps? Really, there are so many issues to weight loss we need to face & I guess as we come up against them the decision to face them & get over them or stay hiding behind that wall is the deciding factor - I've said it enough, the answers are here, I know they are - but I think as of this morning I've been looking for an easier answer (why I thought I should be different is beyond me!) but nevertheless, I just need to accept the fact that my answer is to put my head down, focus and just friggin' PEDAL FASTER!
“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”