Way I'm Being Good to Me #1: SAYING NO
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
So I'm actually feeling pretty good today!
What a weekend though. Seriously, it felt like a feeding frenzy. All the food and the drinking--and SO MUCH social time. Seriously, the weekend FLEW by, we were so busy. And by last night, I was completely sacked out. SO TIRED. SO FULL. SO DONE. I was looking forward to the week as a break from the weekend!
As a result, one of the many good things I've decided I'm overdue to treat myself to is the use of the word NO. As in, "No, I can't come over and help you do ______," and "No, I will not come over for dinner for the second time this week no matter how nicely you ask me or how terrifically fattening the dinner you're making is," and "No, I will not get together tonight and put myself in a scenario where I absolutely WILL be tempted beyond all get out to overeat and over drink," and "No, I will not say yes to doing something with you out of my own sense of guilt, obligation, or anxiety." I spoke to a few long distance friends today about their weekends (and even read a few blogs here), and a bunch told me/talked about how they relaxed, watched football games and/or good TV, BBQ'd with their significant others, read a book, cooked nice meals, etc. Meanwhile, I'm over here tossing back drinks like I'm freaking 21, THREE nights in a row, sleeping 5-6 hours a night, cooking and eating high calorie meals and junk food... and in SUCH quantities that it's no longer even enjoyable anymore. Why do we do such things to ourselves? Or more appropriately, why do I do such things to MYself? Anyway, as I said--NO is going to become my new favorite word. And I'm prepared to deal with the guilt I know I'll feel for saying more often, the anxiety I'll have over turning people down (that voice that will ask incessantly, "Will they still like me or want to hang out with me if I don't do everything they want me to do every time they want me to do it?"). Because I really WANT to put myself and my health first, and I really WOULD get more joy from spending the weekend with a good book or good TV show these days! And because it's no longer okay for me to base my sense of myself and my value on my usefulness to those around me, or my ability to please them. I need to make some space for getting back in touch with me. Or in touch with me in a way that perhaps I've really never been!
I'd bet there are a lot of people for whom saying "no" is a bit of a no-brainer. Not for this girl. I've got a whole lifetime under my belt of trying to make other people happy, or to ensure that they'll continue to LIKE me by doing whatever it is they want me to do. I bet I'd like me better if I did whatever I wanted me to do. ha. Funny, but it's true!
It's good. I'm feeling empowered!
So I'm making tacos tonight (my favorite) and intend to not go too overboard. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow evening and am intending to spend some time during the day planning some dinners so that I buy only the food I really need--to waste less and have less temptation hanging around the house. I'm also intending to sit down and generate a few more exercise goals for myself tomorrow too so that I get back into some sort of routine. More on that later though.
For now, I'm treating myself to BOTH some quiet time with a book AND some mindless time with the television--in honor of what I wish I'd done more of this weekend! lol.