And then there was one.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Mom holding me, brother Jr (age 20) and Stan (age 8)
I have always lived a lonely life. Mom saw it when I was still a child. She always said it was because we kids were such different ages. She also said that when we became adults that age difference wouldn't be as important and we would become close. I didn't understand what she meant. I thought everyone felt just like me. LOL It has taken me 63 years to understand what she meant.

I was the youngest of 3 and the only girl. When I was born my oldest brother was 18 the other was 6.

We lived in a very rural area and there were no kids my age to play with. I spent most of my childhood following my youngest brother, Stan around begging him to let me tag along with him and his friend Billy. Of course, they had no use for a little sister.

Then in my teen years I expected Stan to magically become my protector. I can remember so many times of waiting for Stan to jump in and help me or defend me. LOL I guess I had read to many books and/or seen to many movies or maybe it was, what it felt like to me, that Stan just didn't like me.

Dad died first then our oldest brother, Jr. Mom was next and now Stan. And then there was one. You would think that after 63 years I would be used to being alone.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MADDE3333
    In the past four years I have lost two aunts, my sister and brother-in-law and in 2008, my partner died suddenly from a blood clot. Sometimes I sit in the house and try to understand what this all means...what the creator has in mind for me since I had cancer and survived and none of my loved ones are around.

    There is no answer but to live the best we can and honor those that loved and supported us by reaching out to others and making a difference where we can...
    3458 days ago
  • KITKAT1982
    I too am the youngest of 3, my brothers always busy together, and I usually shoo'd away. LOL My married life has been very nomadic, moving with my DH work a lot. It makes it hard to make friends, and work on the loneliness issues. Yay for places like spark where we can connect and share our stories, our victories, and our moments of weakness. Wishing you well Sheltie, and please know you aren't alone here.Kate emoticon
    3543 days ago
    SLIMMERJESSE, I see that you do understand. The first time I lost my father I was 5. I watched him dyeing all thru the afternoon and evening. When help was finally called (had to borrow a neighbors phone and they finally got home) they pronounced him Dead On Arrival at the hospital. An hour later they went to move his body and found that he was alive. When they released him from the hospital it was "Sally be quiet, don't bother your father, your going to kill him". So at 5 I learned not to "bother" people or they would die.

    Even though I went off into my lonely world Dad "died" several more times over the next 20 years. Each time I guess I felt a little lonelier. Then the others started to die. Now everyone is gone.

    3543 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/6/2009 5:00:42 PM
    It took me awhile to be able to respond to this blog because I know all too well how you feel. Losing people started at an early age for me and has continued throughout my life. In the past two years alone, I've lost 6 close people and have two more who are terminally ill and wasting away. I just said to someone the other day that you'd think I'd have developed an immunity to all this sadness, grief and loss by now, but I never have. Of course, I don't know if that's even possible - to get used to it. Additionally, my own life has been wrought with ongoing challenges on top of all this loss. It's been like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Disneyland - but not as much fun. I understand exactly what you are saying here on this blog. It's a very alone feeling. Big hug and best wishes for happier days.
    3543 days ago
    Thank you all for your kind words! I know I am not really "alone" but there is a difference between being alone & being lonely. I hope none of you ever have to find out that difference.
    3543 days ago
    Sally, I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I must agree with Denise and Lucky, you're not alone at all. We're all here to help you through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. emoticon emoticon

    Terrie emoticon
    3543 days ago
    Oh Sally, I'm so sorry to hear that. Please remember that you are NEVER alone, evven when it feels like it. We are here and so is He. Let me know if you need anything. I know I haven't been active lately, but I'm still here and I'm still thinking about you.

    3543 days ago
  • LUCKY-13
    I'm sorry to hear about Stan, but please know that you're not totally alone - you have a lot of friends on Spark. Even though we're not physically present, you're in my heart and thoughts every day.

    Sending hugs and friendship,
    3543 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/12/2009 4:26:36 PM
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