What a Difference a Day Makes
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
I can't say today was the most stellar day with food--although it was a great improvement over the past few weeks. But today I fought back a LOT of urges to engage in all sorts of behaviors that are unhealthy for me. I'm amazed at how much I've gotten wrapped up in living my life on other peoples' terms, how much I've again based my self esteem and sense of worth and value on my usefulness to other people, how much I've relied on the good opinions of others to fortify me. Just ONE DAY of breaking away from that even the tiniest bit and I feel WORLDS different. Today I actually had a few moments where I felt genuinely happy, where I got in touch with the part of me that actually LIKES me and is able to like and enjoy my own company. I was feeling like this pretty consistently a few months back. It's amazing how quickly and easily we can slip into patterns that are old and familiar, despite the fact that they have no real utility in our lives anymore--and no matter how good a job we think we're doing at fighting or changing them.
Anyway, guess that's it for tonight. Just sort of felt like sharing that insight, I guess!
Tomorrow I go walking with my mother, and I'm really excited to get back into that routine.