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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Every week is a new lesson to be learned. This week it was another chapter on handling the stress issue: my inability to say "no" to the people I love and the effect it has on the commitment I've made to myself. It caused a new emotion I seldom acknowledge: anger. I failed to adequately communicate to those around me that I needed some down time; I could not take on any more projects. I was angry about the lack of concern by others for my well-being but ultimately, I was angry at myself for not standing firm on my resolve to take some time for myself. As a result, I lost control of my newly-learned habits. Not in overeating, but in losing focus; failing to eat at my normal times, not paying attention to my numbers, not making time for exercise.

True anger (the desire to throw things around, ranting and raving) is not an emotion I experience too often. Oh, I get miffed, irritated, annoyed, pi**** off, but anger? Not me. Anxiety is more my style. When I feel particularly anxious, it's usually the result of unfinished tasks. I write up a list called "What's Bugging Me". Usually, I can get to the cause of my anxiety by going through the list and, layer by layer, eliminating the offenders and finding the root cause. This time, I couldn't see that was I was well past anxiety. I was thinking about where things were at while I was riding my bike on Monday. Miles from home, I started to cry. And then shallow breaths. I stopped to get a deep breath and, oh no, am I going to throw up? Hyperventilation?? I started toward home and it happened again. I did this to myself and all because I couldn't say no. By Tuesday, I called the person who had asked me to do Just One More Thing and told her I was sorry, but I couldn't take anything else on. And life got a little brighter. And more focused. That was an extreme example for me of pulling away the layers (and a reminder for me to pay better attention to what's happening. It's time to stop the whirlwind existence for a little while.)

Pulling away the layers ----- can I apply that to what I've learned in the last 12 weeks? I'm seeing that each lesson learned, each new tool that I've learned to use, is contributing to building a balanced life. I have a long way to go but I'm 12 weeks wiser and 12 weeks healthier. I really don't think I'm pulling away the layers that are already there; I'm adding new layers to reinforce what I already have. So I guess it's kind of "out with the bad, in with the good". When I keep up with the "What's Bugging Me" list, I can replace anxiety with accomplishment.

And it finally happened, the time I knew would be coming soon: Wednesday, a coworker asked me if I was losing weight! (And I noticed that she went to the Y after work yesterday; are my good habits contagious??)

Happy end of Octob . . . oops, August!! (pardon my confusion - - It's 58 degrees and rainy today)
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  • no profile photo HOKU-ALOHI
    What an inspirational blog! I applaud you for calling the person and just saying no. You are so awesome!
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    4158 days ago
  • LINDA0229
    Hello. Thanks for your comment on my blog today.

    I typically check out the people who post. Now I can see why you wrote our lives are similar. I really appreciate your blog and the lesson it shares as I'm only about three weeks in here at SparkPeople.

    Good luck on your journey.
    4162 days ago
    I really enjoyed your blog...there are lessons for all of us in it! I'm glad that you were able to make the phone call and take a layer off! It's so easy to get "buried" by things that we really don't have ownership of. It's sometimes so hard to think of ourselves. Way to Go!!
    4166 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4515830
    I agree with Flame42. So many of us can't say no to doing more than our fair share of work. What gets me are the people we barely know who ask us to give up so much time for something and then barely appreciate it.
    I hope you will find the support from all of us here that makes it easier for you to put your own needs first. Love and care for yourself the way you do for others.
    Thank you so much for sharing your week.
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    4166 days ago
  • FLAME42
    You speak for so many of us. Saying no to extra jobs, especially to people we like, is so difficult. Sorry you had to experience such a bad time, but a pat on the back for finally calling the person & saying no. This is something I still have a lot of work to do on. Will try to think of your example next time I need to say no. Good luck with all your goals. emoticon
    4166 days ago
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