Priorities... revisited again?
Monday, August 24, 2009
WHY are there only 24 hours in a day?
WHY must I waste at least 2 of those hours doing stupid, meaningless things?
WHY doesn't "more energy" translate into "more accomplished" for me?
WHY does living a healthy lifestyle feel like the biggest time-suck ever?
Yipes. This is a very negative way to start a blog entry. I'm struggling with fitting everything into my schedule, and feeling guilty. I should be feeling guilty. Here I sit, blogging on sparkpeople when there are at least 10 other legitimate things I should be doing.
I need to get a handle on my time. THIS WEEK.
Many days it seems like all I can do just to hang on to my health goals with both hands. And I'll be truthful, it has been at the expense of other priorities.
Well, perhaps that's why they are called "priorities," huh? Not everything can be number one. (Oh, I've tried living that way. It's quite literally impossible. And your personal goals are the ones to take a backseat.)
It's a little bit depressing to realize that changing my lifestyle for the better has not freed me from guilt. I've simply moved the guilt to a new area of my life. It's a sad but simple fact of life today... we place so much pressure on ourselves to be everything, to do everything, to "have" everything. And I am (in my opinion) living in the "slow" lane! Today I am chasing first-day-of-school details around like so many gnats. None of the stuff is hard, but all of it is time-consuming. Meaning a zillion other things on my to-do list are slipping off the bottom of the page, presumably to take place tomorrow.
I feel like I re-prioritized my life after my first child. Then re-prioritized even further after my second. But truly, none of my obligations went away - - I just end up spending less and less time on certain things. And those things are now my biggest source of guilt. In my case, my girlfriends, my job and my housekeeping.
The trouble with priorities is that they make you choose. My personal trouble with priorities is that I can't always seem to make my actions conform with my intentions. I HAVE moved exercise and good health way up on my list. I know it is the right thing to do. I'm happy with the results (more energy, higher self esteem, lost weight). I'm not always comfortable with the trade-offs - - having to give up valuable time I could be spending on other areas of my life.
Maybe I need to sit down and build more of a strict schedule for myself. I am definitely a creature of habit. Only I've let a lot of time-wasting, non-productive habits creep into my life. Perhaps this is a stage of life... with two young children, I feel endlessly disorganized, constantly under pressure and almost dazed when they go down for the night. (Definitely in no shape to be productive in the evenings!) So, as a result, I'm cramming everything I possibly can into the times when they're in daycare... namely about 18 hours a week. The biggest problem is that I'm trying to fit WORK, the GYM, and a teensy bit of "me" time (whether it is gardening or blogging on this site or just taking a nap)... into those 18 hours. It's NOT working.
I'll work on a better plan tonight. My oldest starts 4-year-old-kindergarten next week, which will change my schedule slightly. Same number of hours to myself though. But a shift in schedule is always a good time to make other changes.
Thanks for letting me blather on... I feel a little better just admitting that I'm not really keeping my head above water these days, and letting too many important things slide. (But not my spark! Perhaps that's why it's so important to get a grip on this now... I don't want to endanger all of the great changes I've made by letting daily life get the better of me.)