When do you say enough is enough....
Friday, August 21, 2009
I dont know if it is just a bad day or if this has been building for a while, but how do you know when to say, "I have had enough of this". I have never been a really good dealer with change.. when I get a job I stay there until they close down and shut their doors or until.... well, no, all the jobs I have ever had I have stayed at until they either didnt need me anymore.. the side jobs.. or they closed up shop... with my major jobs.
I have been working at this nursing home for almost 3 years now.. and I have always justified working here by saying that I have a second job to make up for the difference in pay so I would stay because I love going to work and I love my old people. Well, the company I work for has gotten so bad that even though I would feel like I am abandoning them.. I am having mini panic attacks in the mornings on my way to work.. I am having the hardest time even getting out of my bed when the alarm goes off so I can come in. They are constantly complaining and complaining to me about things I have no control over.. yelling at me because THEY tell me to do something and then turn around THE VERY NEXT DAY and say they never would tell me to do such a stupid thing and that it is just my fault that I am not getting things done. My direct supervisor is the worst... because he has no balls... sorry if that offends anyone but it is the truth. He is witness to most of my convo's with the admin. staff and then he doesnt even stick up for me and tell them that they did ask me to do things the other way.
We are supposed to be making everyday for these residents enjoyable.. to make them WANT to stay alive or atleast to make their last days bearable. I suggest that we try new activities to do with the old peeps.. new ways of doing the same things also.. just so it wont seem like the soe old procedure... but no. I get shot down every time because "They wont like that" "That isnt going to work" "That will take too much time" It is written in our job descriptions that these are the types of things that we are supposed to be doing with them. How do you know they wont like it if we dont atleast try to see if they will do it in the first place.
I am sort of depressed today and I havent really been for a while.. but it is to the point today that if I dont scream I'm going to cry.. and I guess I already chose which one because I am so frustrated now that I am crying while writting this.
I am not supposed to be the only one that cares about these old people. EVERYONE who works here is supposed to.. thats is why I got into nursing.. to help people.. but most everyone here is in it for the check.. and why I have no idea because you dont really get paid anything... it"s sad... my mother PAYS more in taxes that I make in a year from combining BOTH jobs....
I dont want to change because I would feel so guilty about leaving my peeps... but when do I say enough is enough. How can I bring myself to take that next step and leave... I am anxious just thinking about it.
Sorry to bring anyone down.. I just dont know what to do anymore.