Best Laid Plans Always Screw Me Over

Monday, August 10, 2009

I do this thing I call "circumstantial eating". It's definitely not a real name for a food issue, but I make stuff up all the time to suit my needs. I encourage everyone to do this, trust me the day goes much smoother!

Today was my mama's birthday! I had a lovely plan to get home a bit early and throw together a fabulous chicken dinner and an angel food cake - all low calorie and delicious - to celebrate this momentous day. Since I'm writing in the past tense you can safely assume that this plan went a wee bit awry.

As I unlock and open the front door I was hit with an overwhelming and nauseating STENCH that cut straight to the gut. It seems my pup Leo has a teeny tiny stomach bug that manifested in explosive diarrhea. As in a crime scene unit could have triangulated the position of his butt from the splatter on my walls. That's right, you read it correctly. Splatter. ON MY WALLS. All my dogs are crated during the day so you can just imagine the unholy mess I was facing.

First things first, bathe the beast. Just so you understand Leo HATES the bathtub, in fact he won't even come in the room; he's just not a water dog. So I had to drag the 60 pound, extremely reluctant dog to the bathroom. He thought my hallway walls would provide him enough traction to escape. They did not, but since I have flat paint there, they do act nicely as a sponge for dog poo. Of course to get Leo in the tub, I had to pick him up. Whatever disgusting picture you may have in your head, triple the intensity. I'm 4'11'', have waist length hair that I wore down today and no upper body strength. His love for me does not extend to remaining still for bathtub placement.

I get him out of the tub and dried off. I take him outside to potty. I kick Blank out of his crate and put Leo inside. But wait, first Indy needs to go potty. Indy apparently just couldn't make it through Leo's bath time and he soiled his crate. So bath time there. Just as I finish with Indy, Leo expresses his intestinal distress in Blank's crate. Another bath for Leo. Lather, rinse, repeat.

2 hours later, the dogs are clean and the walls, and the hallway and the bathroom and the floors and the crates are sanitized. I am still coated in poop however. So into the shower I go, a quick text is sent to my mom and plans are changed to go to a restaurant she wants to try. Mexican.

The circumstances were not great. Neither were my choices, but we had a hell of a good time. I have no plans for tomorrow, so I'm thinking it's gonna be a great day.

By the way, dogs don't like Pepto Bismol overly much.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OH GAWD...LMFAO...Girlie we are living a parallel life but it was my husband instea of Leo--- i swear to god that I did NOT read yout blog before i wrote mine...but they are both hilarious! the troopers we aare...we found the FUNNY side of it...but least my WALLS didn't get hit! Eeewww!
    3980 days ago

    I once had one of my children do a similar thing during her nappy (diaper!) change whilst she was lying on my bed at 2:30am one morning- I had to throw a perfectly good kingsize quilt and bedcover set away despite repeated washings....

    But dog poo? I think I'd rather kill myself!!

    You're a star, love, but please, don't invite me around for food anytime soon.... emoticon

    3981 days ago
    Happy birthday momma!!!! Much love to her :)

    Sweet baby Jesus in a manger :( That f@#king BITES!!!! I'm going to bite my tongue on the question of where ANYONE else might have been and go straight to - OMG, poo on the walls???? This sounds worse than little man drawing on the walls almost two years ago :( I am soooooooooo sorry you had to deal with that honey :(

    You are an amazing woman! I would have sat down to cry in the stench first :-S Someone get this woman a spa damn darn it!!!!

    Love you hun! Tomorrow will definitely be better xoxo
    3981 days ago
    Oh my, what a crazy day!

    I love your story telling. I laughed all the way through.

    Glad to hear you made the best of it by having Mexican with your mom & enjoying your evening. emoticon
    3981 days ago
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