HUGE food break-through

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Today inadvertently became a cheat day. I've been struggling a bit since being sick... craving all sorts of stuff I gave into when I wasn't feeling well. I decided I needed a mental break from the pressure. So, this morning I got up and made pancakes for me and my husband. They were great and really worth it! Went to run errands on the base for a few hours before evening church and went to the coffee shop and got a latte. So good! Grabbed a Payday while we were shopping... figured no dinner for a bit and I haven't had one in a loooong time. Ah, lovely. Went to out to dinner for Mexican. Yes, in Germany. No, it's not really Mexican but let the LA girl pretend. And they had Bohemia beer (one of my favorites from runs to Baja). We have chips and salsa. I get a beer. I order fish tacos. I get beans and rice and guacamole. The company is good. We're talking, laughing, having a great time while we munch away.
And then IT HAPPENED. Somewhere, in the middle of the great time, I was full. And I stopped. Without thinking about it. I had a taco, a little bit of beans, some of the rice, a decent portion of guacamole. And I was done. Leaving more food on the plate than I ate.
Now, to some that may seem small. To me, this is HUGE. I have spent my entire life obsessing about the food I was eating or not eating. Many times I have had the thought that this will NEVER end. Even if I lose the weight, I will still struggle every step of the way for the rest of my life. That there will always be emotion with every food decision: pride when I make a good choice, guilt when I give in, shame when I overeat, anger when I choose the proper portion size, empowered when I make it through a day, helpless when I can't control myself. Even when I have given myself 'cheat' days in the past, those feelings have always been present. Everything around food has always been hyper-aware. Today, I got to experience what I thought was unattainable. I made a subconscious choice to stop eating. No guilt. No pride. No shame. It's pretty cool.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WHISKERS12189
    Awesome Job! Congrats!
    3983 days ago
  • GONE2018
    Great job!!! I love that feeling when something right just happens. Enjoy your BIG step forward!
    3984 days ago
    emoticon It's amazing when those insights come and always a welcome surprise and confidence booster! Keep it up!
    3984 days ago
    Great insight! Goes to making your diet part of your lifestyle and not a "diet".
    3984 days ago
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