Respect Your Elders?

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I swear my neighbors are dumping mulch on my pile when I'm at work. I'm pretty sure the pile is bigger than it was last night....How many days have I been moving that crap?!? I hate wood chips. Mulch sucks. Even my little boy who loves to get dig, climb and in general get dirty refused to go out with me this evening to help. "No, Mom, I get too sweaty" So I was solo in this dang humidity hauling the tree bits around my yard. I could only hang for a half hour. Ugh.

I was pretty beat today, in fact I've been dragging @ss all day - I don't know why. So when Leo started getting bouncy and fussy in his puppy way, I just DID NOT want to take him for our nightly stroll. Too bad, Mama, you want the dog, you do the work! I should have just stayed home. For real.

We headed out a slightly different direction that we normally take and I was feeling pretty good. Thinking to myself, "This is just what I needed after all!" Just as I was hitting my stride, a little old man (think 80 years old) stops me and starts asking me a BAZILLION freaking questions about my dog.

Now, if I'm at Petsmart, the dog park, his training class, sporting events or parties I am more than happy to talk about Leonidas of Fireside. He's a rare breed and people in general love to play guess the breed of my not-so-little fuzzy butt. When we're on our walk though, I just want to keep moving. I don't mind a quick stop and a head scratch (for Leo, no one ever offers to scratch my head) or a "Howdy-do" in passing. But that's the key phrase IN PASSING.

Today it was happy, happy, walking, walking - Dead stop for old guy in knee socks, yes, really knee socks, I swear it! If only I could have discreetly gotten a picture...Anyhow, he asks the typical questions, I politely answer. He then suggest we walk together for a little while.

Some days I feel like the universe needs a little entertainment and often it's at my expense.

Internal monologue went like this: "NOOOOOO no no no no I just want my mother flippin' space and time! Breathe Jess, this is why you moved to East of Nowhere remember? Neighbors, meeting nice friendly people, pleasant exchanges with lovely people..."

He walked slower than anyone I've ever walked next to. Ever. Leo kept looking up at me like "What the hell? When are we gonna really walk?" Don't get me wrong, I have a soft spot for old men, my grandfather was my hero, but my Gramps could haul @ss, as a kid I could barely keep up with him. This guy, whose name I never did learn, was so NOT my Gramps on any level.

About 5 minutes into the walk he asks if Leo was neutered, I say No and before I can explain why he isn't yet; Old Guy cuts me off with an exclamation of "Good!"
It's at this point that Old Guy transformed to Creepy Old Guy. Apparently dogs' testicles are a sore spot for this man. He went on and on and on about them and why male dogs should be left unaltered. He then told me I need to make sure that Leo's "urges" get met often. GAG! Then the yuck factor escalated to a level previously unseen or heard by me before this moment when he continues on this train of conversation including scheduling appointments for him to be 'handled' to relieve his 'tension'.

Ummm what the h3ll??? Just how do I respond to this suggestion? Thankfully my Leo had reached the end of his leash with the snail's pace and started acting up. I said "Looks like Leo needs a little of his run time now" and we BOLTED, I mean, sprinted for 2 blocks. I NEVER run with Leo as his joints are too young for it, but this was a special needs-based occasion I felt called for an exception to my rule.

And how was your workout today?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG! ROFLMAO! Thanks, that was one of the funniest things I've read in ages! Sorry it was at your expense, but thanks for sharing! emoticon
    3949 days ago
    Wow....what a creepy old guy!!!! Leave Leo alone Mr. Puppy Molester! lol I hope you two never run into him again :S
    3953 days ago
    This was very funny to read! I know it had to be awful for you and I will admit if it happened to me I would feel exactly like you, but It made my morning! I get those types of people too, although they don't talk about that stuff, they do tend to hold me and my dog up and they also want to walk with us at a snails pace and that drives me banana's! sometimes if I see these people I will go another way just so I Can do my walk in peace. Thanks for the blog and hope you don't run into Grandpa again! emoticon emoticon
    3953 days ago
    haha.. your story makes me want to start singing that song from Sesame Street.. "Ohhhh who are the people in your neighborhood.. in your neighorhood.. in your neighborhood.. in your neighborhood.. a creepy old guy is a person in your neighborhood.. in your neighborhood.. in your neighborhood.. a creepy old guy is a person in your neighborhood.. a person whom you meet each day!!"

    3953 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5078271
    OMG.....LMAO!!! I was going to chide you about the fact that the old man just needed some company and that you will be old someday too, and maybe lonely...
    then the part about servicing the dog...hehehe...if you ever run into him again and he starts on his 'relieving the dog's tension' bit, perhaps you can say, "Are you offering to do it for him?".........On second thought, what if he says "yes"........ eeewww! emoticon
    3953 days ago
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