Where did the wagon go? Or how far am I from it?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I have been way off the wagon for almost 2 weeks now. It is very depressing and scary. I have been so stressed lately and my nerves have been messing with me also. Which goes to mean that when my nerves are bad, I CAN NOT get full. Yeah, I do not feel like I have ate anything.

Also, I feel like there is a hair on my hand and I look and nothing is there, happens all the time. I also am finding my self cooking and start to cry in the middle of doing so because I wonder what in the world am I doing fixing a meal that is so unhealthy and eating a lot of it.

I honestly just think that all of this with my Mom, my husband, Myself, and others is coming down on me. I constantly stay worried about things. Always thinking about the bad things that could happen. Also, the whole thing about being pregnant has got me worried too.

I will be gone probably all of next or whenever my mom has her surgery, because they are sending her to a hospital that is high tech. It's about an hour drive from here and I will be staying in a hotel right because the hospital. I found out my mom will have to be put on a respirator during her surgery and they are going to slowly wing her off of it. I hope things go well with that. She will also be in ICU for a few days after her surgery. It is so stressing.

I have also tried to start reading books to calm my nerves and get my mind off of things. I am currently reading a true story called "Sleep, My Child, Forever by John Coston". It is about Ellen Boehm, the woman that killed her 2 boys for insurance money back in 1980's. It is very sad but it keeps my mind off of other things. I like true stories way better than fiction because when it is true, it keeps my interest more. I have read half of the books within 3 days. I lso try to stay busy doing things around the house, playing online games, or going outside. Somehow, though, I always end up finding myself in the kitchen eating naughty things.

I really look up to a lot of people on spark. They have met some fantastic goals, and hopefully, one day, I can do the same.

I would like to thank all of you who have commented on my blogs and listened to me blah about my day. It really does put a smile on my face.

Love You all & God Bless Everyone!
-Christie [Carrie=my real name]
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks to all of you who have replied. I am an emotional wreck at the moment and can not get on every day like I used to. I have so much in my plate at the moment that it is affecting me not only emotionally, but physically also. I got done with that book and chose not to read another one. Mainly because I just don't feel like it. My Mom is going to have her surgery sometime. It is so hard for me to face these things. I thank all of you that have put a smile on my face and helped me get through. I will be active again hopefully soon, just right now, I think I need to find myself. I hope all of you are doing very well and having a wonderful August. Love You All & God Bless!
    3815 days ago
  • ANGIEB1231
    Praying for you my friend. I know how stress can totally take over your thoughts and actions. Know that I am here for you. Take care of yourself.
    3821 days ago
    Stress plays a hugh factor when it comes to us sticking with our diet. You have had your share of stress girlfriend, keep in mind that we all have been there too and you are not alone. We are here for you and know that you will get back on track. I hope all goes well next week with your mom. Take care Love Ann. emoticon
    3827 days ago
    Hi Christie (Carrie),
    I can really empathize with you. My Mom had uterine cancer, but fortunately, they caught very early thanks to aggressive monitoring by a concerned Dr. She is healthy with no signs of any cancer although you sometimes have to prod her for her yearly check up as she had an aunt with breast cancer. I sincerely hope they have caught your mother's in time and that they get it all in her surgery.
    Worry about your Mom now, you can always worry about the diet after. Do try to find something to keep you occupied and active and away from the kitchen. Vigorous house cleaning or yard work does it for me. The more stress I am under, the cleaner my place gets lol.
    Thinking of you,
    3827 days ago
    I agree as well, you're under a lot of stress and pressure right now. Brit (Bamalam) has lots of great advice for you to follow. You do need to find somewhere to turn to to get that stress out. Stay strong. You will get through this.
    3827 days ago
    Hey Christie,

    I agree with Bamalam 0 you are under a lot of pressure right now, and perhaps reading a more uplifting book would help your nerves. I was also going to ask if you and your Mum have received much support? Apart from the person who's undergoing an operation, it can be stressful for other family members too. Remember there are people there who can help - if anything just listen.

    I hope all goes well with your Mums operation.

    Take care,

    3827 days ago
    Hey Girl! Boy you sound stressed! First of all, I think reading about a child killer is not going to help you with your nerves. Try something lighthearted or an adventure novel. There are a lot of great non-fiction books out there. Find something POSITIVE!!! A recent favorite is "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

    I am constantly getting on and off the wagon. That's just a part of life that you need to accept. I am FINALLY starting to understand it. Don't get down on yourself for falling off. Just take a moment, regroup and take baby steps back on. If you are eating but feel like you are still hungry, keep a water bottle handy and get hydrated. It could be your emotions telling you that you are hungry, when in reality it is thirst or boredom. So, if it is boredom, get some fruity sugarfree gum. I always have a stash. If I am stressed or nervous, I chew away.

    Hang in there, you will be fine. I think you seriously need to work on finding a happy place. If you need support, the divas are here for you!!

    3827 days ago
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