(Breathe in, Breathe out)
Saturday, July 18, 2009
To be honest, I came on here with the intentions of closing my account because I haven't been on it and I haven't lost (but GAINED) weight. But, that seems to always be my M.O. whenever I feel like I have failed or can't do something....quit. I just endured the most horrible (my aunt died suddenly from a fall and my parents were witness to it) and strenuous (the dreaded prof. whom I "withdrew from in the spring was my prof. now and boy did I pay for it) 5 weeks of my life. What I learned from it is-you never know how things are going to turn out, you gotta make the most of everyday. -You can not be distracted with what's happening to the right and to the left, no matter how bad it may hurt your feelings or make you angry or depress you, or make you wanna quit. I've come to realize there is ALWAYS going to be something to get you off course or get you to feel like you can't hack it. These things that come hit you in y our most vulnerable spots. And looking back now, it kind of makes me laugh-I wish that that could have been my attitude at the time. Instead I ate and cried and pitipartied myself up to a few more pounds.
Bah, but I stuck out that class knowing I wasn't doing that great, feeling like I was going to fail it. I finished. One more thing under my belt that I finished. I have finished things, but they are fewer than those things I quit.
So. What I'm saying is I will not quit on myself. I will do my best for where I am right now and not compare myself to others. I will set my goals and I will reach them. One by one, one step at a time.
Because I realized something. If I die not having achieved my ultimate goals in life, I would like to have been the kind of person that worked toward her goals not having been able to achieve them, than being a person who didn't believe in herself and didn't try at all. And that is what it's all about, believing in yourself, not what others believe or you think they believe of you. The only opinion I need to care about is God's opinion of me-and i know He believes in me, but even He can't believe in me for me.
So. Ok. I'm back.