The Tears I’m Spilling…………

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Thursday, July 16, 2009

I have just had one of those days today…. I got to bed later than usual due to a lot going on the home front. Then when I got up I encountered a lot of extra stress. I was almost late for work – I got here with 2 minutes to spare and I’m normally here 15 to 20 mins early so I can get a feel of how the day had been here at work.

Anyway -
Last night, or really early this morning (however, you look at it depending on your schedule) I posted a couple different blogs and with all the changes that have happened I updated my goals as well as my personal page. Once I was done, I when to all the team pages that I am a member of and in the huddle I posted to check out my page.

I did that so everyone would know that I updated my page. That was all, just to let everyone know.

On a side note - Those of you that have read my past blogs about my “potatoes” (basically my family that likes the couch) know I don’t get a whole lot of support on the home front. Those of you who didn’t, well you vaguely know now. I think that I don’t get that much support from them because of all my past failures, and that they sort of believe in me but figure this is only a phase (hopefully they will catch on soon, that it’s not a phase…. I’ve done it for 4 months now; in the past a week here a couple days there, ya those were phases, but not this time) so maybe that is why they don’t support me very much yet. Or they may be afraid that I’ll force them into my new lifestyle and they aren’t ready to change yet… run off on, try to talk into, I hope but force, no I won’t do that.

Anyway, once I get into work tonight and go through my normal routine… start my paperwork, make a few rounds (checking on the at-risk youth I work with), once I’m settle in and I know all my youth are asleep I check my e-mail. Several e-mails brought me here to Sparks….

That’s when my tears just started flowing. Oh, this isn’t good, they’ve started again, and I’m at work and crying, even now as I type this.

Many of you left comments either on my blogs or on my Spark page, and even a couple spark mails, that said all sorts of nice things… without looking I recall phrases and words like – doing a really good job, you’re an inspiration, encouraged, inspired, congrats, and much much more….

Please don’t take this wrong, I always appreciate every comment I get and they always left my spirits and give me a boost to keep moving forward.

However, tonight when I went to read all these messages, I didn’t expect so many and for them to be so positive. Every one of you, and not just those today, have touched my heart with all your words of encouragement and positive feedback. I honestly do not think I would have gotten as far as I have with out the support of people here on Sparks.

As for all the comments and such today alone, I owe you all a special thank you….. It was not my goal to have people leave comments today, but only to let everyone know I had updated my page. Then after the day I had, to get on-line and find all this, so many of you supporting me you have really turned my day around.

Everyone, please know and understand when you leave comments for anyone, not just me, they can make a world of difference in that person’s day.


The tears spilling over my cheeks are tears of happiness!

emoticon again and here are emoticon for all of you.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree, SP has been a blessing. The support here is incredible. Thank you for directing us to your blog.
    4376 days ago
    Nice to read this. Good wishes and hooray!
    4381 days ago
    Dear Becky,
    I came to your page by way of another Sparkpage and I want you to know that this is what Spark is for; for people to meet others with like "challenges" in their lives and maybe, just maybe, there will be a "spark" for someone to write a little something that will uplift someone else or even that someone else might say something in a blog, comment, given a goodie, etc. that affects anothers life. This is what you have done. Just read these comments. I would copy, paste and save them to your document page and maybe even copy them so you can hang them up somewhere in your home to know that you have found a "family" where you can share your feelings, whether you are having a "good" day or a "bad" day---there is always someone around somewhere here who might be able to lift you, even just a little.
    This is what is great about spark----even if something has happened in your life and you weren't able to keep in touch for a while, when you do, those people understand as they have probably been there!!
    So many forgiving people.
    I, also, don't have a family that is uplifting. Everything seems to be so negative in their lives but I have a wonderful husband, who is always there for me and I glean my girlfriends from Spark.
    I remember how I was on here about 20 hrs. a day in the beginning, trying to learn all the ins and outs and meeting friends and learning what teams will work for me.
    You hang in there. Don't give up. Cry as many tears as it will take as those are what is healing and you go, girl, and pat yourself on the back, is right!! You do deserve it and say that to yourself everyday. You have conquered some big challenges and I know you will succeed at this one, too!!
    You contact me at any time as you have others who have said the same thing.
    If one isn't available, someone else is.
    And, be sure to make sure you sign on MEEBO as that is a great way to actually "talk" online to other friends you see!! I love that new feature here!!
    Peace and blessings to you,
    4382 days ago
    Your entry was so honest and your success is awesome. I will joyfully follow your continued progress.
    4388 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5568477
    I know what you mean about people thinking it's a phase...that I've tried and failed too many times and this time will be the same. I'm determined, same as you are, that this time will be different! I liked your blog...going to go check out your page now. :)
    4390 days ago
  • TAURUS0564
    I'm just now reading your blog. I am full of emotion!! You are such an inspiration. I'm sorry you don't receive the support you need on the homefront but always remember that we are here for you at SP.

    Thanks for reminding me of what good friends I've made here.

    Keep up the good work and let me know if I can ever be of support to you.

    4392 days ago
    Becky, I must agree with others that your blogs are very inspiring and I feel encouraged to get back on track and set some new goals for myself. I have had a rough patch lately and lost my focus and put on a few pounds, so it's time to get moving again!

    Thanks for giving me some motivation and have come a long way and don't you forget it!

    And those tears... I shed a few too after reading your blog!
    4393 days ago
    I'm so glad that you are finding the support that you need. Keep you head up and remember that we are all here dor whenever you need us. emoticon
    4393 days ago
    Isn't it wonderful how if everyone lights one little candle, together we can light up the world?

    I love SP, it really is a family here. So many caring and grateful people!... and now you're one of them, and how cool is that?
    Kathy emoticon
    4393 days ago
    Tears Too!

    There will come a day when your family will open their eyes and it will dawn on them that something has changed in you - and they've missed it..... but they'll want it too!

    You will be their inspiration......

    As you are being ours..........

    Continue your success, you are amazing. emoticon
    4393 days ago
    I have only been here for like two weeks and The support I have felt is amazing. I think that this time it will be different. Thank You. I have tear in my eyes too.
    4393 days ago
    I am so proud of you girl! Losing weight is amazing and to stop smoking is...well, HARD! LOL But overcoming two addictions at one time...girl, even if it breaks your arm you better pat yourself on the back...several times!.LOL Your family will see the changes in you as they begin to happen and they'll see that it's no "phase" this time. They might even be so proud of you that they'll want to follow in your footsteps.
    You're so right about how the commits we get from others on SP lift our spirits and turn a frown upside down. I get NO support form home and I don't refer to my teams as "team" anymore. When I welcome a new person, I say "welcome to our "family", because, though I may never actually hug or look someone in the eye, I have met people that, just by their words, have changed the way I feel...about what I'm going through but also about the way I see myself and my self's value.
    Thank you for this blog, it's one of my favs and if I can ever be of any help to you please just give me a holler and I'll come typing...LOL emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    Arlene emoticon
    4394 days ago
    I read your sparkpage- Great Job on losing weight AND quit smoking!
    I know what it's like to get zero support on the homefront, but that's what spark is for. TONS of great support here! I probably spend too much time here, but it works for me.
    Take Care, Linda
    4394 days ago
    You are exactly right about when folks leave comments. It's like the way my minister taught me years ago when I was a youngster. I'll never forget it. He and I were on his john boat in the middle of Lake Anna in Virginia. He said "When you see someone, give them a smile. They may have lost theirs along the way and just didn't have anyone to give them theirs." I can't remember if that was word for word, but it's a round about the same. That lesson goes for just about anything. Especially here. I've come close to dropping out here a time or two. Then before I knew it, I was getting a Spark Goodie, Spark Mail, or something to change my mind. It does mean a lot.
    You keep on Sparkin'!! This is NOT a phase. It's an addiction to a better you. One day, your fam will look at you and realize something they have missed along the way.
    4394 days ago
    I always feel the same way about the support I get from the folks I know through SP - it is amazing what a difference one supportive comment can make!
    4394 days ago
    I'm sorry you don't get the support you would like at home but isn't it wonderful the support we get here at SparkPeople from our SparkFriends!! Together we can do it!
    4394 days ago
  • MCL423
    What a great blog! I'm so glad you have been so successful on your journey so far, you are totally going to rock it and show your family this time it's for real! Awesome of my favorites!

    4394 days ago
    Thanks for this blog, it is so true everyone here at Spark is so encouraging. We can all do this together!
    4394 days ago
    Girl you deserve every single compliment you get. And I know it must be frustrating to not get any support from your family. You will always have support from your friends here at Spark. I think that is the key to why it works for so many people. You WILL succeed this time. Just remember that you are doing this for YOU not for anybody else.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4394 days ago
    The smallest comment can make a 180 on a bad day. Thank you for sharing your appreciation with everyone and encouraging others to give positive feedback to others. It is so important!
    4394 days ago
  • YURI21
    hey there you are so right ,
    nobody is cheering me on in my home either.
    you know what i will cheer you on ,
    keep up the good work
    4394 days ago
  • YURI21
    hey there you are so right ,
    nobody is cheering me on in my home either.
    you know what i will cheer you on ,
    keep up the good work
    4394 days ago
    Hang in there, Beck, you know you can do this thing. I've been doing it by myself with nobody but Spark friends supporting me. I've lost nearly 125 pounds, but only about 50 here on Sparks. I have nearly 80 more to go, but I'm in it for the long haul. I'll hang in there with ya!! Best of luck! Sandy
    4395 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5072311
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    4395 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/16/2009 11:26:52 PM
    This is why I love Spark People. Thank you for spreading the love and for the invite to read your blog.
    4395 days ago
    Rock on, sister!! I loved your post. So very true!!
    4395 days ago
    I think the thing that is the best for me is knowing that I am not alone. That others here truly understand the daily struggles of weight loss. There is a lot of good information at Sparks , recovery and when we fail people who are here to pick you up. Take it a day at a time, know we are here for you through the good, bad and ugly!!! Hugs. Pat
    4395 days ago
    I saw your post to visit and I know where you are coming from my family has been very destructive toward my weight loss my health has not helped me either you could read my last blog illness,stress,strength it is a lot of complaining lol but alot of strengths I have found now that I have and how I found that loving me is all that matters
    you have come so far and love of your self will continue to push you to the end on the weight loss journey you have an awesome day and I'm glad I stopped by for a read emoticon
    4395 days ago
    I saw your post to visit and I know where you are coming from my family has been very destructive toward my weight loss my health has not helped me either you could read my last blog illness,stress,strength it is a lot of complaining lol but alot of strengths I have found now that I have and how I found that loving me is all that matters
    you have come so far and love of your self will continue to push you to the end on the weight loss journey you have an awesome day and I'm glad I stopped by for a read emoticon
    4395 days ago
    Thank you too. You are awesome and Never alone. I found that out. Many Hugs and Blessings are sent your way.
    4395 days ago
  • ULTREYA3211
    Thank you for posting this and inviting all of us to visit. I read your SP and think that you are doing a terrific job. Aren't tears great--happiness brings them about and they are so cleansing. Keep up your good work.
    4395 days ago
    I just wanted to tell you that your day really touched me. I almost cried when I read that. Good luck to you and always remember that you are an amazing person!

    Have a wonderful day! emoticon
    4395 days ago
    We're all here to support one another. Glad to hear that you're getting such incouraging, motivational support.

    4395 days ago
    This is an emotional journey for many and some days it even seems as though it IS a rollercoaster ride, but with fellow sparkers like you and others we CAN and WILL make this journey together. I feel you when you say those who love you are mocking you, when I decided I was going to get serious with SP I got "Ok, we'll see" from my fiance. I had been down this road many times with failures and give ups and now, it's a challenge, but I'm actually doing it. You left tears in my eyes too, so I had to share a little of my own; but, WOW what a great motivator you are. Thank you for sharing. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4395 days ago
    OOOOHHHHHH!!!! You brought me to tears as well. I know I have found the support I have needed from this site. I know I would not be where I am today without the encouragement of those around me on SP. I have come on this journey alone (family) but I know I can turn to those on this site. So I can really relate to your blog!
    4395 days ago
    Ok..I started tearing up on this. It's great to have a safe place we can go to and share and receive encouragement and acceptance. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know I am a much better person because of it. emoticon emoticon
    4395 days ago
  • CICI510
    I don't have a huge support system at my home either so I know how you feel...SP has become such a special place to me. I am sorry that I didn't get a chance to come by and give you a hug but here's a huge one. emoticon
    4395 days ago
    You may not have support from home,but remember you have us to help you along your Journey. We are here for all the support and Love we can give you.Just remember we are here for you even if it's only to vent. emoticon
    4395 days ago
  • DTILLER1147
    You can truly never be ALONE on this Journey unless you unsubscribe to SP!!
    4395 days ago
    WOW!!!! U brought tears to MY eyes. I know exactly how you feel!!!! It is soooo hard to try and change habits in your life when you feel mocked by those you love, and it IS usually cuz they have seen our past failures, over and over and over again. Heck, we are HUMAN! It takes trial and error to get things right. It does not and will not happen on the first time around. (just like with any other addiction, you have to take it one day, one minute, one second at a time & may even fall off the wagon a few times...) I don't know you but I am soooo proud of you!
    I started taking Sparks seriously on 04/24/09, took a 2 week hiatus for vacation in June, and have lost 21lbs and several inches. It is even harder for me to loose considering I can't do much exercise, yet. So I send Hugz and blessings your way, cuz you inspire me! Keep up the good work, and take it one day at a time. emoticon
    ***As a side note to EVERYONE on Sparks... Please take the time to comment on people's pages and give words of encouragement, cuz, Lord knows we ALL need approval, acceptance, and uplifting comments & encouragement to take on this battle...A little love and kindness goes a long way...Pay it forward People...****
    4395 days ago
  • LAUREL220
    You are right - receiving comments can really make someone's day. I love getting them, I love giving them. And this really is such a supportive community. We are blessed!
    4395 days ago
    That's the best thing about Spark - providing people with the tools and the support to make their goals a reality. You are not the first person to "start" this fitness journey more than once. For most, a couple of starts and stops are typical. But you are proving that past speed bumps do not doom you to a lifetime of failure. You are already a success and, each day you work on your goals, you are a success all over again. Keep it up!
    4395 days ago
    Very nice blog! I'm glad that you are finding the support that we all need!!!!
    4395 days ago
    Wow, your blog brought tears to MY eyes! I have the support of my family, but all are thin and healthy and I really can't say they know what this challenge is like. .. what it takes to follow through. You and I do, and so do our fellow sparkers. SP without the support, is really good. But it's the support of our fellow sparkers that keep people like you and me motivated and make SP great.

    BTW, Way to go!! emoticon
    4395 days ago
    emoticon This is a reason most of us do so well after we joined SP, from all the support we have here. We are all going through the same emotions and we need each other to keep pushing us through the hard times. Keep up the good work!
    4395 days ago
    Honey that what your support is to be here on Sparks. A positive force to keep one motativated.

    I know many times tears are brought to my eyes because of what is put on mine as well. That show you and me that others care and understand are daily battle of the bulge and know that we are being encouraged every step of the way. I too have been through some trials of weight loss through the years, My kids don't support me, but my hubby is my biggest cheerleader I have and my best friend for nearly 6 1/2 years they were my only support. Then early this year I found Sparks myself and I have a new reason to keep moving forward on the is journey we are all on in our lives.

    Keep up the good work and keep moving forward in your journey to a new and healthier you.

    Keep doing the things to make you healthier, and eventually the family will start to notice and will decide you have found something to make life a better quality for them. it does happen that is for sure.

    Judy Ann
    4395 days ago
    AMEN!! i love that we have a chance to write
    some word or two to help someone and alot
    of good people have come by my way too. So
    please keep the hopes high girl.We will be
    here to help any time.
    4395 days ago
    High 5 girl, you are on your way. We can't force anyone to be on this journey, we can only encourage. Just as you had to be ready to put one foot in front of the other so do the "potatoes" need to be ready. You are a wonderful person and have given as much encouragement as you have recieved. We are all here to help each other on our way and to gently push or hold up those in need of it. I am proud of you. Way to go. Hugs.
    4395 days ago
    Hey girl.

    You sound like you're doing fantastic! I am just now getting back to the basics of focusing on what I eat and getting my butt in gear to exercise. Took far too much time off recently. Your post is inspirational and you're so right - the people here are so amazing. When i post blogs and people comment and encourage me it really does help keep me moving. Spark People is such a great place! :)

    I wish you much luck as you continue on your journey. Hopefully both our potatoes will come around sooner rather than later.

    Take care!
    4395 days ago
  • TOWANDA132
    Congrats on making changes that are sticking, your potatoes will come around for s ure when they continue to see your commitment and your success. I am glad you had a flood of good comments to cheer up your day, it really DOES make a difference!!
    4395 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.