Afraid to buy new clothes
Monday, July 13, 2009
I have been struggling with this for awhile now, and I am hoping this blog will just help me come to terms with it and move on.
I am afraid to buy new clothes. I don't even want to go to the store and try them on. I've lost almost 60 pounds, and I'm running out of things I can wear, and the things I am still wearing are just hanging on me. At first I thought it was just about the money, but I am beginning to realize that was just an excuse. What's really bothering me is fear--I'm afraid that when I start trying things on and have to look at myself in the mirror, I still won't like what I see, that things still won't fit me any better or any more flattering than they did when I was at my heaviest, which will make me come face to face with that old fat girl inside again - a huge reminder of how much work I still have to do to get to my goal--almost like starting over. In a weird way, it's comforting wearing these big, baggy clothes--they are the tangible evidence that I carry around with me every day, reminding me of how far I've come. I find myself wanting to get rid of things that no longer fit, but at the same time, not really wanting to part with them.
I've lost weight before, but I can't remember ever feeling this way before. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, what did you do?