Divorced Dad part 1

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

"Being a divorced dad means your are not Mr Mom it means you are Dad."
I believe I felt I was a bad father. The routine of me coming home everyday after work with no real down time and seeing the boys hurt my relationship with them. I considered it job part 2. I even said many times how I felt like I was a bad father. I was very short with them and I have alot of patience. Looking back I feel like I was trying to control them the way I was controlled. I tried to be a surrogate mom and not even let them be boys. I felt restrained on spending money on them.
Don't get me wrong - The s2bx is a good mom I think and I hope she finds a spouse that compliments her feelings, desires, her life. I don't wish ill for her and I don't speak ill of her to the boys ...I re-enforce respect and obey every chance I get with them.
But for me, now, things have changed. I KNOW I am a good dad. They tell me they love me and they ask about Mojo. One day they will meet my girlfriend and akira then my life will be complete. I believe now I have more fun with them and I miss them horribly when they are gone. When I am with them I let them be the boys they are and my girlfriend smiles. I am no longer playing Mr. Mom ---I am Dad.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm glad you are taking a more optimistic view on life and parenting. I love the comments before mine too, very good advice. It is always easier to criticize your current situation, but I find it harder to realize you are always doing your best and that is the most anyone can expect of you. I am a single parent and my ex and I are getting to the point where we are helping each other to be the best parents we can be, and we have come a long way!!! I still get jealous of the way he can give her 100% attention and forget everything else. Then I realize one day she will appreciate every thing I do for her everyday. Remember to live in the moment and improve yourself every second you can. I learn something new from every challenge and I believe that is what life is about. Continue to be a great role model and that is what they will remember. emoticon
    3582 days ago
  • no profile photo RAMONAFAY
    Okay! I read this and then took sometime to think about it--and now my input.

    We as parants don't get an instruction book when we have children and it can get over whelming at times. But your human and everybody feels the way you described at times. My hubby and I used to make jokes --just hang on for the ride it's gonna get bumpy!! and the best you can do is the best you can do. Most of it is --What we referred to as SWAG-ing it--(Sciencetific Wishful As_ Guessing).
    There is no such thing as the perfect parent--no more than there is such a thing as a perfect kid.

    What I did was be honest with my kids(daughter now 28 and son now24) we are extremely close. If I didn't know something I just told them. I always treated them with respect--and I never talked down to them---now they both tell me that
    they appreciated the way I was with them.

    My hubby worked two jobs back then--fire dept and south flite air medic--and went to school--so I pretty much raised my kids muself--when they started school I went back to school and got my assiociate degree--I still worked everything around their schedule. Now I watch my 4yr old grandson a lot--my daughter is a nurse and works 12 hour shifts. So I'll tell you what I tell my daughter and my son-in law enjoy your kids while they are young--stop beating youself up--look around you --your doing a good job!! What they will remember when they grow up is that you spent time with them and that you laughed together--they don't understand the jobs and bills and stuff like that---they only know if your happy when they see you and how much time you spend with them. So my advice is be happy don't worry like the song said..And for God's sake and yours please chill out before you have a stroke or heart attack!

    Taking care of yourself and exercising and eating right is also a step in the right direction--teach them by your example! Keep up the good work! Your doing fine! lighten up already!

    emoticon emoticon
    3582 days ago
    What a fantastic blog! I think I got a little choked up, in fact. See you hopefully when you are in my neck of the woods next week! emoticon
    3582 days ago
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