Learning to let go.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
My s2bx and I have been saying since this division between us came around that we are trying not to fight. She had a huge range of control over me. Its hard to explain and I let it happen. My dad said something to the effect of "Son, you are letting her control the situation you need to think before you respond to her. You responded like she still has control."
I have spend almost 16 years letting her run everything (finances, vacations, plans, everything). I thought I was doing the right thing being chivalrous essentially giving up my right to be an individual.
She is all about money, organization, family (her family) and security.
I am all about freedom, spontaneity, friends and family, and romance.
She blew up at me this weekend. I was planning on running while it was still light out which means I need to leave to take the kids back to her by 5PM (one hour to get to her and one hour to get home). I get home by 7PM and change and run. She informs me "our agreement" says I will have them back to her at 8PM (technically it says by 8PM, I didn't know at the time). So she has plans and cannot take them until 8PM. A semi-fight ensues because its just not right. I re-read our agreement ....now looking back I caved and gave her everything she wanted - it very heavily favors her. It basically says I pick them up from her and deliver them back at 7PM except during summer when I return them by 8PM.
My dad says well if she is going to be precise about it - it doesn't actually say where you will get them or deliver them.
The whole sticking point is the "at 7PM" and the "by 8PM" and she has said the wording is fine and she doesn't want to change it. I replied (stupidly) that of course she doesn't want to change it because it favors her. Everything she does outside of the agreement she thinks is a favor for me.
/sigh I can't win sometimes. Not really sure how to fix this or just let it go.