Day 8: "Help Me Please"
Thursday, June 25, 2009
"Do you ever wish you could get more support from people around you? If only the "helpers" in your life knew exactly what you wanted them to say! With good intentions, people grab cookies out of your hand as they scold you, "should you be eating that?" Or they ignore you and don't say anything, even when you wear much smaller clothes or weight 30 pounds less than you did a few months ago.
"Decide what you want - To get support instead of criticism from the people you love, you may have to train them. Instead of begging, "Please help me lose weight" or "Be nicer to me", clarify exactly what you mean by those words, and then be more specific in your requests.
"Please don't say ---. Be sure you also let people know the things you don't want them to do or say."
1) In your journal, write a list of things that people are always welcome to say or do in regard to your weight-loss efforts. Examples might include: offer you compliments, protect you from dessert, or clear the table after meals.
2) Create another list of things you don't ever want people to do, such as: snatch your plate away, give you lectures, or admonish, "You're not supposed to be eating that."
3) Read both lists to your support people including your spouse, children, and your best friend.
1) I LOVE it when dh takes an extra-long look when I walk by or makes positive comments about my changing body shape, particularly when I'm not looking for the compliment. I also like that I can say 'no' without my no changing the activity or the other person's choices. I appreciate not being offered twice when I've said no once. I like comments about being in shape or fit. I love being told that I can do this or acknowledging how much I've done.
2) I definitely don't like being scolded. Or being berated. Drill sargeant motivation doesn't cut it for me, although I will temporarily push myself to prove a point, but my self-esteem takes a hit and I can't sustain the effort. I don't like fake encouragement or empty compliments. Don't tell me I look good in an outfit that makes me look like a sideshow act. Don't let me walk around in spandex just because I feel fit. Don't lie to me just to save my feelings.
3) My best friend let me wear a too-tight wedding dress that pushed my back fat up and over the top of the dress. When I walked away, I looked like I had back boobs. Not cool, and certainly not how I wanted to look on such an important day. She will be hearing this list - nicely. My dh doesn't gush the compliments but they're always genuine, and he's getting better at seeing the pluses, not just the fact that my breasts are getting smaller. He definitely compliments my increased flexibility :) My parents are good - we've had the talks - and I don't think I'd bring it up with anyone else. Overall, I've gotten pretty good at encouraging myself.