Next week, on Scooby-Doo...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
"And I would have I got away with it, if it was not for you meddling Spark People" said the hormone as it was unmasked after causing much stress and tears and self-doubt and panic.
Yes I know that these thoughts had root somewhere, but I am glad to report that the feeling of being totally overwhelmed by them was part of the wonders of what being female is all about.
The tears, well they were mostly due to the enormous wave of supportive messages I received within minutes of posting. So thank you, Spark Friends, for stepping in with kind words and hugs...without you I would probably still be feeling doom and gloom about it all. You people ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The evening came and went, I tried to explain to BF what the matter was, but he laughed (he is totally clueless sometimes) although not in a mocking way, more bemused I guess by something he absolutely does not understand. So I left it there.
I am proud of myself and the growing up I may have done in my short time on SP because I did not succumb to sweet temptation of eating my worries and instead went for a walk in the garden, and did my exercise, and was surprised to come well under my calorie allowance (turns out, smoked salmon, not only deliciously, but not sinful at all at 80 cal per 70g).
And today I realised I am listening to my body...finally...
Woke up in pain (the kind that turns your face a fetching shade of greeny white and makes the mere mention of food stomach turning) and foolishly decided that it would go away by itself, with only the help of a heat bag.
Well, 6 trips to the microwave later to reheat the heat bag...it had not gone so I took tablets.
BUT, whereas normally the pain would have been the perfect excuse, it took me 2 hours to convince myself to eat breakfast (and the hazelnut tea loaf was threatening to go mouldy) and lunch took even more convincing, but I knew that protein and some carbs were non negotiable.
Childishly I looked forward to making up for it with a hearty dinner...but as I cooked tonight I even wondered if I would be able to finish my plate. Well, I did, but when debating the idea of something sweet, like pineapple or watermelon as desert I found myself in the unusal mental position of saying "no". What about sweets, yoghurt, chocolate? Nope, still no. Just don't fancy it...how very very strange.
Unsurprisingly, that puts me well below my daily recommended intake, but I am confident my body will adjust tomorrow. My body is starting to talk to me, tell me what it wants, what it does not want, and this time I am going to listen. It is time I make peace with food and friends with my body.
Maybe I am growing up after all, and maybe I will be able to face the issues I find so daunting when the time comes.