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Thursday, June 18, 2009

"And I would have I got away with it, if it was not for you meddling Spark People" said the hormone as it was unmasked after causing much stress and tears and self-doubt and panic.

Yes I know that these thoughts had root somewhere, but I am glad to report that the feeling of being totally overwhelmed by them was part of the wonders of what being female is all about.


The tears, well they were mostly due to the enormous wave of supportive messages I received within minutes of posting. So thank you, Spark Friends, for stepping in with kind words and hugs...without you I would probably still be feeling doom and gloom about it all. You people ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The evening came and went, I tried to explain to BF what the matter was, but he laughed (he is totally clueless sometimes) although not in a mocking way, more bemused I guess by something he absolutely does not understand. So I left it there.

I am proud of myself and the growing up I may have done in my short time on SP because I did not succumb to sweet temptation of eating my worries and instead went for a walk in the garden, and did my exercise, and was surprised to come well under my calorie allowance (turns out, smoked salmon, not only deliciously, but not sinful at all at 80 cal per 70g).

And today I realised I am listening to my body...finally...

Woke up in pain (the kind that turns your face a fetching shade of greeny white and makes the mere mention of food stomach turning) and foolishly decided that it would go away by itself, with only the help of a heat bag.
Well, 6 trips to the microwave later to reheat the heat had not gone so I took tablets.
BUT, whereas normally the pain would have been the perfect excuse, it took me 2 hours to convince myself to eat breakfast (and the hazelnut tea loaf was threatening to go mouldy) and lunch took even more convincing, but I knew that protein and some carbs were non negotiable.

Childishly I looked forward to making up for it with a hearty dinner...but as I cooked tonight I even wondered if I would be able to finish my plate. Well, I did, but when debating the idea of something sweet, like pineapple or watermelon as desert I found myself in the unusal mental position of saying "no". What about sweets, yoghurt, chocolate? Nope, still no. Just don't fancy very very strange.

Unsurprisingly, that puts me well below my daily recommended intake, but I am confident my body will adjust tomorrow. My body is starting to talk to me, tell me what it wants, what it does not want, and this time I am going to listen. It is time I make peace with food and friends with my body.

Maybe I am growing up after all, and maybe I will be able to face the issues I find so daunting when the time comes.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I think that's one of the best things I've finally learned - to listen to my body needing something and I don't need to be afraid of being hungry again (I CAN eat when I'm hungry); and I know how to handle the emo-eating fransie (go run for a while on the elliptical until sweat runs and off it goes usually! Talk to DH any say: I need to be held or just simply go sleep!) Great stuff. Best thing - I'm not thinking high school weight at the moment, but I truely believe I can reach a healthy weight and stick with it now.

    So, keep going. See you around. We have similar goals (you are younger though so it may be easier for you) but we may support ourselves in getting there (my ticker shows my 1 huge goal: 76 and my weight from 1990; I should be 65 kg to reach healthy BMI. If I ever get that far, I'll consider a fancy weight of 58 (which was the lowest I ever weighed in my adult life) but sincerely, I don't think that would be me any longer. emoticon
    4071 days ago
    How empowering!! I have found myself growing in my short time here as well. It's amazing how much information is available to us. I'm glad you were able to overcome the challenges so well!!
    4072 days ago
    I noticed that same thing in the first couple of weeks. Don't go too far below your calorie allowance...instead pack in some veggies and fruits (great time of year for those things!) They have a lot of volume and not too many calories.

    Hope the pain is all gone.

    Have a good weekend!

    4072 days ago
    First of all, thanks for your support yesterday. It really helped. I can't wait to hear more about your progress. You are such an inspiration to me! Thank you for sharing such stories and know that you are totally awesome!
    4072 days ago
    Yes, you are learning as we all did. Listen to your body and it will tell you what it wants and
    needs. Plain and simple. Do take care and avoid the sweets. You will feel better after your
    body adjusts. emoticon
    4073 days ago
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