Transformation comes from within...
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Well... I find myself in a position that I have never been in. I have been career driven, and goal oriented, and after being sick for a while because of my pregnancy, and caught up in mommy duties, it find that the glass was really empty. Funny enough, I always found that I had enough going on in my life that I got energy fills from my activities and hobbies, etc. Now, for once, I found myself empty, with little activities to fill it, no prospects or hows... Just a thought of awareness of how depleted I was, and how FULL I wanted to feel inside, and wanted reflect it on the outside. But from this stillness I find I want to build the most solid foundation I ever could. I found a lot of noise in my head before, judgements, commitments, etc. There is a place for that, but for now, there is laying the ground work with a quiet mind.
I had a very interesting thought the other day... I learned that I had been depending on some things going well in my life to help me give me "energy" on other areas. It is like "I have a good relationship, so that makes me feel happy, and I can face some career challenges". But I am facing the fact that this does not always work... Now, I have little going on other than taking care of my 11 month baby, this emotional cross-subsidization is just not feasible, and frankly, not healthy. There is only my intentions, hopefully followed by actions towards my one single goal to feel better about myself.
So, I face my own habits with little judgement for the time being. Trying to re-learn what I thought I had already educated myself on. Maybe I have not been doing it right?
I had learned calories counting and now I face that I am taking more, my guess-timations are simply not working for me. My scale should attest to that!
So, there is a little bit of re-education going on as I evaluate what I am doing during my days.
I am trying to take in stride, but also take it up a notch. I figured that remaining within my daily goals is a great thing for now. No small feat. I am enjoying doing sparkpeople because of that, it just has taken one of my habits (computer browsing) and turned into a positive one.
I was given by MizzD a schedule for training for the 1/2 marathon in October (thank you my friend). I am so excited and intimidated at the same time. But seeing it in a schedule seems so much more realistic, like I am actually doing it!
I am going to try to do a run tomorrow. I have a 3 km scheduled, and 5 km on Sunday.