Transformation comes from within...

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Well... I find myself in a position that I have never been in. I have been career driven, and goal oriented, and after being sick for a while because of my pregnancy, and caught up in mommy duties, it find that the glass was really empty. Funny enough, I always found that I had enough going on in my life that I got energy fills from my activities and hobbies, etc. Now, for once, I found myself empty, with little activities to fill it, no prospects or hows... Just a thought of awareness of how depleted I was, and how FULL I wanted to feel inside, and wanted reflect it on the outside. But from this stillness I find I want to build the most solid foundation I ever could. I found a lot of noise in my head before, judgements, commitments, etc. There is a place for that, but for now, there is laying the ground work with a quiet mind.

I had a very interesting thought the other day... I learned that I had been depending on some things going well in my life to help me give me "energy" on other areas. It is like "I have a good relationship, so that makes me feel happy, and I can face some career challenges". But I am facing the fact that this does not always work... Now, I have little going on other than taking care of my 11 month baby, this emotional cross-subsidization is just not feasible, and frankly, not healthy. There is only my intentions, hopefully followed by actions towards my one single goal to feel better about myself.

So, I face my own habits with little judgement for the time being. Trying to re-learn what I thought I had already educated myself on. Maybe I have not been doing it right?

I had learned calories counting and now I face that I am taking more, my guess-timations are simply not working for me. My scale should attest to that!

So, there is a little bit of re-education going on as I evaluate what I am doing during my days.

I am trying to take in stride, but also take it up a notch. I figured that remaining within my daily goals is a great thing for now. No small feat. I am enjoying doing sparkpeople because of that, it just has taken one of my habits (computer browsing) and turned into a positive one.

I was given by MizzD a schedule for training for the 1/2 marathon in October (thank you my friend). I am so excited and intimidated at the same time. But seeing it in a schedule seems so much more realistic, like I am actually doing it!

I am going to try to do a run tomorrow. I have a 3 km scheduled, and 5 km on Sunday.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    We are going to do this and we are going to love it! There is no feeling like the power that comes from amazing yourself - doing what you thought was scary, intimidating, not possible. When you finish that race in October you will know you can do anything you can set your mind to!
    Baby steps will get us there and positive habits will build on positive habits (and replace negative ones). I am so excited to be on this journey with you my friend!
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    3919 days ago
    Children change your life ~ and adjustment time is necessary, especially when your focus has been elsewhere....and while you think having a child may not seep into every facet of your life, it does.

    And, it does make you question everything that you're doing.

    But, if you focus on something healthy, like the training, I have found that many of the other things that you may have questioned will fall into place during the course of tackling the training.

    In the news, they always report that Madonna is always "re-inventing" herself. First the 80's pop star, then rock/pop diva, then mother and wife, children's book author...and then off to an awesome hard body from focusing on yoga.....my point here is that re-invention is just life.

    I think its an adaptation that we MUST do in order to keep ourselves sane. To stand still at the comfortable point that we have found ourselves in life is quite frankly boring ~ haa haa! Just remember you are not standing still ~ you have a beautiful baby girl and you have the most important job of all -- teaching her how to LIVE! So, live outloud and show her anything (even things you're not sure you can do) can be done my friend!

    Have a GREAT DAY!!

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    3919 days ago
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