My Worst Habit
Friday, May 29, 2009
OK, so this is a long one, but I need to get it off my mind...
Night-time eating is my biggest weight loss challenge that I face and has been for a while now. I definitely have binge eating tendencies which almost always happen after I put my son to bed at 8:00 p.m. This completely frustrates me since I am able to consistently eat perfectly during the day.
I go through great lengths to pack a healthy clean eating breakfast, lunch, and snacks for my day at work, with all the portion sizes measured out. I work while I eat and then go downstairs to the gym at my work for my 30 minute “lunch break” to do some cardio. I even try to sneak away from my desk for a few minutes throughout the day to run up and down the many flights of stairs we have in our building or do squats before I leave the bathroom stall (embarrassing, but it has to be done!). All this, and then I screw it all up almost every night with the eating (and the drinking of the evil red wine).
I started drinking a glass of red wine at night awhile ago because I read about the health benefits, it was a way for me to relax and unwind after a stressful day, and because I always enjoyed the flavor and what goes into the making of wine. However, it has now become a “problem” because I seem to use it as crutch for my relaxation and it turns into more than one. Along with that, my mind defenses go down and I will eat way too many snacks, including my sons’ goldfish cracker snacks and cookies (you would think that because they are my sons’ snacks that would stop me, but it doesn’t. Terrible, I know).
I am a single mom who works FT and takes college classes PT and I know that part of me does this because I am so busy taking care of everyone else during the day, that at night I am lonely, bored, trying to fill up a void, etc. because after my son goes to bed there is no one else there to occupy my time. I don’t know why I continue to do this to myself especially since there is always so much regret after (not to mention I feel physically horrible).
Seriously, what am I doing?????
I need to give these drinking and eating habits up TODAY. I don’t know how to control myself though and I feel like I have tried every trick in the book. I’m not sure why I am even writing this and sharing with everyone because normally this is a habit I have kept hidden from everyone else in my life. I guess this is for ACCOUNTABILITY.
Sorry for the long vent and thanks for listening.