ZENOBIA67

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NOT SURE I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING 46

Monday, May 25, 2009

I just told a great guy that I need time for myself because I wanted to be 100% happy with me before being with him. We both got off the phone crying. Seems like this weight is not only weighing my physical body down but my whole mental being down. emoticon emoticon. This guy I met 2 years ago when I was heavy but not this heavy. I was 156 and as he put it thick. But today I don't even want him to see me and I am doing everything even making my heart hurt just to hide ME. I told him I've gain weight and he swears he does not care but I'll never forget the expression on an old boyfriends face when he saw me in a video store in which I tried to hide down every isle but eventually ran right smack into him. The look on his face was like WOW thank you lord for letting her leave me. He looked relieved. I did not want to see that same expression on Richards face. I mean he stated that this time he was not letting me get away and that he would spend his life making me and my son happy loving me every single minute of every single day. WOW!!!!!! Now I feel like I've just done the dumbest and the best thing for me. The dumbest because I'm letting this terrific man get away emoticon and the best because now at least I will not get hurt if we meet and that look appears emoticon
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  • SHERRY822
    Only you know if you made the right decision. I say that if he says he doesn't care, about your weight, than he truly cares about you. I have a wonderful fiance who loves me big or small. I can't say that about my ex-husband. His was a very conditional love.

    What I am saying is that the decision you made is probably based on how you feel about yourself and not how he feels about you. It took me about 8 years with this man to really believe that my weight was not an issue. He is very supportive of me and my desire to lose weight, but he couldn't care less as long as I am healthy. You said yourself at the end of your blog that you feel like you've done the dumbest thing ever. If you feel that way don't you think you should listen to YOU ? ! It sounds like to me that you made a quick decision and now you are second guessing yourself.

    Maybe you could send him some pics of yourself and then you can take it to another level, if he really isn't phased by them. If you are as close to him as you appear to be, he knows that you are on this journey of weightloss and better living, and he can then be a better supporter of it and to you.

    I hope everything works out for you. I know that my man IS my soul-mate, and if I had let my weight stand in the way because of my feelings toward myself I would not have him now. We have been together for 13 years. I was just as heavy when I met him as I was when I started Sparkpeople. Please keep in touch and let me know how things are going for you.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon ---Sherry
    4359 days ago
  • IAMLOVINGIT
    Hello Zoe, You are strong enough to take it. Let him in. If he loves you no matter your size. that is the man for you. A man who can love you no matter your outer self. Only good things can be said about him because he sees the inner beauty the true you. Do Not Hold Yourself Back. Listen to your heart. What do your inner self tell you. You know, You know. Do push your blessing away. Learn to LOVE YOU no matter your size. Then go to work on YOU. First you must love yourself before you can love anyone else. You will never know how this man really feels if you push him away. He said he do not care you have gained weight. Girl Please, See if he is really true to his word. Did you ever think this could be a test for you? You have the strength to do this. to find a good man who loves you, to loose the weight you want and to get healthy. I'm hoping my 61 years has taught me a thing or two, and I can pass it on.

    Peace, Love and Blessing emoticon

    Rose
    4367 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/26/2009 10:09:42 PM
  • DENONNIE
    Wow...what a strong person you are! Only you know if you made the right decision. As long as it was the right one for you. It is important to take care of you first. Right now it is all about you. If it's meant to be he will be waiting for you at the other end.

    It's your time,

    De
    4368 days ago
  • TANYAHDG
    Hey Zoe,

    I wish I could say yes it was right or no it was wrong but I just don't know. What I do know is you need to be happy with you first. He may really mean what he says about your weight not being a concern; at least I hope so. True love is not a weight issue. You love the person not the pounds. I am a firm believer that real love finds a way to happen. If he meant what he said he will not let that be a final answer. I know it is difficult having been hurt before. Take the time you need to work on you and be faithful. It will happen if it is supposed to happen.

    Take Care of You,

    Tanya
    4368 days ago
  • ZURDTA
    Oh gosh - I think you did the right thing. IF you had strong enough feelings for him, then your weight would NOT have stopped you being with him right now. He may have been a truly wonderful guy - but I think there was something not quite 100% for you. IF he is 100% right for you, then you back track and get him back right now!!!

    Now you know it will take time for you to get that wow figure back. Do you really want to be alone whilst you do it. Will it be easier without his support? Or do you think that maybe you will bump into him and he will think WOWSER and want you more? Maybe no matter how great you will look in the future, this guy will love you for you and will know how fabulous you will look and feel in the future and is willing to share that journey with you?

    If he is not Mr Right then that's cool. You NEED to get to know yourself first, then to like yourself and finally to love yourself before anyone else can come close. You know in your heart whether you did the right thing. My guess is that you ARE right. He is not Mr Right - just a Mr Wonderful or a Mr Possibly Could Be Mr Right In The Future. And you have a wonderful journey ahead of yourself... getting to know YOU.

    I know this - because I have been there... no regrets at all. I spent 10 years alone (I'm certain it won't take you that long) but now I do have a great guy and a great future.

    Stay strong.

    emoticon
    4368 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/25/2009 6:03:39 PM
  • GWENSHEALTH
    Gosh, I don't know what to say other than I'm still currently grieving a lost relationship as well as trying to find self happiness. It has been a real roller coaster but I'm really hoping that I can find a way to do both, because I (like you) don't want to lose this great, terrific guy who finds me sexy and lovable just the way I am. emoticon
    4368 days ago
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