Wednesday, May 20, 2009
These 3 loyal supporters, gentle giant Girl, Tuffy and Rupert (the purrer), were all once abandoned and neglected.
At first I got angry at the people for whom these pets became inconvenient and a burden. I despised their lack of responsibility, only thinking about themselves. After some thinking I felt ashamed of judging those people so harshly. I don't know their motivations or reasons. I do know that I have not been treating myself so well for a big part of my life and that I haven't been completely honest.
I am recovering from my addiction to the feeling of being needed. I neglected my own needs because I put the needs of others first. I would love to think and tell you that I am a caring, unselfish person or even a saint but the reality is that I am afraid...Afraid that my husband doesn’t need me anymore and will leave me for someone else (like my first ex), or dies and leave me behind, just like my parents…Scared that I have no purpose in life, and try to take my own life (like I have done in the past). So I rescued animals and people, creating situations where I was needed and had a purpose.
I am also a recovering food addict. I tell myself that food has me in a grip but I know that it is me who is holding on to food so firmly, to quieting my own fears and sense of discomfort, covering myself with a tick cozy blanket of denial.
So who I am to judge others...to assume to know people's motivations for abandoning these furry cuties...
All I know is that I am learning to take better care of my own needs and to deal with my fears. In the meantime I am enjoying our long walks, our happy cuddle and playtime, - and moments like in this picture…no fears…no stress or worries…just simply relaxing together.