Baby Mama Drama
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I don’t know what it was about today, but I was aching to be pregnant. It might have been the sermon, full of advice on raising a good family. It might have been the many happy mothers there. Maybe it was writing the message in my mom’s Mday card, I don’t know. Whatever.
Hubs and I split up to celebrate the day with our respective moms, and when I picked him up he had big news. He told me my BIL is going to be a grandpa. My head was so not in the right place to hear this. Every possible ugly thought came rushing up. “Why them? Why not us? They can’t possibly have been trying for as long as we have.” And so on and so on, like this was too much to bear. (I was so hormonal today, writing in my mom’s card made me cry.) But I was too quick on the draw. It is neither my husband’s 26 yo married niece nor his 21 yo married nephew that is now expecting. It is our 17 yo niece, a junior in high school. So news that should have been a joy turned to jealousy (because I was ridiculous), and then sadness and guilt. Because maybe this is still a joy. A baby is always a joy, right? But I can’t stop thinking about how hard her life just became.