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Staying Committed...

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

This blog is more of an affirmination needed for myself than anything, and something I can look back on when I need to.

Lately I have been having one of those 'blah' days for the last several days. I've been sticking to my workout routine and eating right, but my weight loss has been really starting to slow--to like around 2lbs a week and I am just starting to get bummed that I am not going to meet my goals by the dates I have set out.

I don't want to go back on my goals and change the dates I have set out, but at the same time I don't want to get down on myself for the amazing progress I am making by focusing on the minor imperfections I am not achieving.

Okay, so where I am today then I was 4 months ago. First off I am 1/3 of the way to my goal. Saying I need to lose 235lbs--a whole overweight person---is a very daunting task, and something that I can feel hopeless with at times. Okay, so I've lost 80lbs (by next weigh in +). So what, now I need to lose 155lbs---an average weight person----is this doable, you bet! Can I achieve it overnight, no way...did I gain this weight overnight? Well although it may feel like it at times, no I didn't. I developed bad habits slowly and I let the weight pile up far to high before taking control.

When I think back to my fitness I think of this.
There is one building in my school were most of my education classes are held, and it is a 3 story building, fairly old, with steep stairs and just 1 really old elevator meant really for just those with physical disabilities. I would dread if my class was on the 3rd floor. Like I actually couldn't make it up 2 flights of stairs without stopping to rest. As embarassing as it is to say I would have to take the elevator, or go up one flight on one staircase, walk down the hallway to catch my breath, then go up the 2nd flight on another stairway.
How bad is that? the first day I went to the gym I was panting walking laps around the track. I was doing 5 minutes on the elliptical at level 1, and struggling with a heart rate of 180! Now I will do an hour on the elliptical at level 17, keeping a 155 HR! Sweating, working hard, and feeling oh so good afterwards.

So why am I still so damn disappointed with myself? Honestly like why can't I just be happy? Well the one thing is that when I look at myself I still can't believe how fat I am. It feels so weird to say, but even after losing 80lbs I don't feel like this is me in my body. I guess I have gained this weight so rapidly that I still have internal images of myself as a bigger, but healthy good looking 16 year old kid. Well I'm all grown up now, and I feel like I am still just so, out of control fat.
I will say that people are telling me I look thinner now, but its almost embarassing to hear that just because I feel like wow--you are still fatter then you were 2 years ago, and thats after losing 80lbs! Who gains 100lbs in 2 years? Honestly? Well I did, and its embarassing, but it happened!

Am I perfect? No. But I will say I probably have a bad day 1 day a month. So if I can stay on track 29 days out of 30, thats pretty damn good.

I ain't going nowhere--I'm in this for the long haul. If I don't make my 'goal dates' I set out for myself then so what, I'm not going to be upset with myself if I ONLY lose 95 pounds in the first 6 months, and not the 100 I set out to do.
I can do this, I am doing this, and I will do this!
If your reading this CHRIS just remember, 'what have you done already?'...ya--WOW--you can so do this so just sit back and enjoy the ride!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • DAWNER54
    Youtube---------- Sugarland and the song "something more".

    don't give up, it's about lifestyle changes, Form follows function?! so if you're active you'll look like an active person, and if you're a couch potato.........

    have heart!! you've already motivated a lot of people!! ;)
    3492 days ago
    That internal image of yourself is not just because you "put the weight on fast". Think about it. You were an average sized person for many years and your internal picture is of that person. It works both ways. People who spend their whole lives as a fat person, even after they lose the weight, still feel like a fat person on the inside. It's hard to change that mental image.

    I had the same thing. I still felt on the inside like an average person and then I would pass a mirror and say "that really can't be me, can it?". I was an average person living inside a fat body and I wanted out!

    Keep plugging away and you'll get out too.
    3599 days ago
    Wow, you're a rock star. Feel good about yourself, you deserve it.
    3603 days ago
    I understand what you are saying completely. It's really easy to get discouraged, but you are so strong and committed and you set a great example. 2 lbs a week is still awesome, and maybe all you need is a shake-up in your exercise routine to get you back to where you think that you should be.
    3604 days ago
    You are FAB! I think it's completely normal to have those sorts of days and feel a bit low but you really are doing seriously well. It seems natural to start to reassess your situation and have your idea of what is "good" skew with time but keep thinking back to that start point and those stairs and think how much better you feel now. I can see you reaching your goal and having some kind of Rocky moment at the top of those stairs, hehe. Seriously, keep it up. You're doing great.
    3604 days ago
    I really liked this blog. Mainly because you were being totally honest with yourself in it. I think that we tend to set dates to motivate ourselves to work harder but sometimes the actual dates hurt us when we get to them and we havent achieved what we wanted to. Maybe itd be good to set goal weights instead of dates and maybe add a month that you want to achieve it by. Thatd be a little room for muscle growth,weight loss, and water weight that tends to fluctuate during the whole of a month.

    Just thought Id suggest that, and you know what? You are accomplishing such a lot in not alot of time, that when I read this, I was so PROUD of you! I dont even know you and am proud for you! It gives me the strength to work harder because I know I can do this too!!

    3604 days ago
    Hey Chris,

    I wanted to drop you a comment and let you know we are all hear for you everyone has bad days ( I have them frequently) but your not giving up even when your day has gone to pot. That is the truly isprational thing about you . You have such a large goal but there are many who set large goals and dont make it . You will make it . We all believe in you and strive to be like you. That is what counts that there are friends around to pick you up when you fall and stumble. You have done it many times in the past for me and I couldnt thank you enough it is my sparkfriends that have kept me here . You will be the person you want to be I have confidance in you

    3604 days ago
    Honestly, reading that made me happy and sad at the same time. I think about what I have done, and have not done in the last few years. I, by no means, will ever be a toothpick. I am 6 feet tall and have a large frame. But i look back at the days when I used to play basketball, and ride horses, and exercise everyday, and it makes me sad knowing that I was happy with myself then, and I am not happy with myself at all now.

    You are truly an inspiration, and I can only hope in 6 months or a year that I am down as much as you are now. My goal is to lose 100 pounds total, and Right now, I do not see that in my future. I NEED HELP!

    3604 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/7/2009 11:14:14 AM
    I think we all should write these kinds of blogs, because EVERYONE, even the most committed, struggle or get discouraged. I am so proud of you and happy for you! Just think how many people would love to lose 80 pounds so far! Also, think of all the people you inspire by your progress. You're a great example and a great leader!
    3605 days ago
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