reality check

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

its been three years since my last physical.... a long time i know, however the last time i was in pediatrics with my mom and my doctor that i had had since I was 2. i was 217 about forty punds less than when i last saw her. Today i went on my physical, and went on the scale by myself, at a new firm, with a new physician and i weighed 271 lbs... i lost .5 lbs since sunday there was somehting different about going on the scale. THAT scale.. the one that i dreaded since i was 5. the one that said that at that age i weighed 80 lbs it was strange. it was even more different than proclaiming my weight here on spark people.. i had complete strangers look at me and my weight. feelings of embarrassment and shame engulfed my whole being. i knew my weight and i guess i REALLY didn't see it as a huge problem until today. obviously i knew it was a problem but i guess i ignored certain factors.. i ignored that at twenty one years old going up the steps made me tired and short of breath. the some of the clothes i had were getting too small for me. I ignored everything and t hought with my gut....forgetting the age old expression that my eyes were bigger than my stomache

Of course the doc advised me that i would obviously have to lose weight.. and i was pleased that the scale read 271 rather than 287 but wow... its kind of like yesterday on biggest loser when helen noticed an old pair of jeans she used to wear and she asked her husband if they belonged to him. this self realization hurt........ alot...For the first time i noticed how big my tummy had gotten.. i've always been big.. but alway i never had a HUGE stomache and somehow today i saw in the mirror after my doctor left how big it had gotten.. how i truly let myself and my health go. so i'm typing this today in high hopes.. i'm happy that this epiphany came but of course its going to have to take healng
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