~being married doesnt guarantee your heart wont ever hurt~
Sunday, April 26, 2009
for the past 3 days i have been crying pretty much non stop.so my eyes r very sore.with my husband being a truck driver its hard on the both of us.he has always been the confident one.i am always the one with the issues.i have no self esteem what so ever.and at that certain time of the month.i usually get a little..well..down,and irritated.but this time it is just insane! i have been having weird thoughts about my husband ,and i not making it.that we will fail as husband ,and wife.that he just plain and simple just doesnt want me.so i seen him last night,he got to come home for the night.and we talked,apparently he doesnt understand y i am feeling this way.so today b4 he left out,he cupped my face,and told me he knows we will be together forever.then he kissed me,told me he loves me.and for me to stop crying.well i was fine.now..not so much.my mind is racing yet again! i dont know what my problem is.but i have a doctor appt. tues.u better believe i will be sayin doc..HELP! lol!
while my dh was home,he was telling me how good i looked,that i was getting so thin ,and trim.he says,"u dont need to lose anymore weight."i said.. oh yes i do,i still need to lose like 80 pounds.
then he asks me y am i on the computer so much.well im on spark.but i didnt expect to hear what he said next..
i asked him if he ever questioned if i was faithful while he was on the road?(i wouldnt ask,but i needed to figure out y i was feeling so low) he says YES.i ask him y?he says he thinks i talk to other guys,like a few!! this is totally insane! i am the most loyal person there could possibly be.i have never heard him talk like this b 4.i dont know y he thinks this way.he use to be the confident one.i was really hoping the more weight i lost the more confident i would be.not yet..i guess i will have to wait and see.if anyone can relate to any of this,please feel free to give me some advice.god bless my spark family....christina