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Just Trying to Shake a Bad Thing

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Last Monday, I learned that the mother of one of the boys my son went to pre-school with, and who is currently on his baseball team, took her police officer husband's service revolver and shot herself with it. It happened last Saturday at 2:30 in the afternoon, and from what I have heard, most of her family was in the house at the time. She was the mother of 4, three older girls and her youngest, the boy Tony went to pre-school with. I have been trying to make some sense of this since learning of it. Trying to figure out how a mother, troubled as she obviously was, does something like that with her children so close by. Clearly, no answers have come to these questions.

She was a lovely woman, beautiful, a nurse at a Boston hospital in the labor and delivery department. She was pleasant, smiled a lot, pretty much kept to herself. I saw her the week before at one of the boys' baseball games, and as we have for the many years our sons paths have crossed, said hello and smiled. And she is gone, just like that. And I have hugged my son many, many times this week, thinking every time about that little boy who will never hug his mom again.

It is a sad, sad story, but there are many sad stories out there. Every time I think I've managed to keep the tears from streaming down my cheeks at the thought of this, they come again. I spoke today with a good friend of mine who works at the school this boy attends (different from my son's) and she is a good friend of the teacher of this boy. The children were on spring break this past week, so they have not been in school but will return on Monday. She told me her friend, the teacher, has been devastated this past week, and that this boy has written in his daily journal every day this year about his mother. She, like I, just doesn't know how a 7 year old boy is supposed to recover from something like this, never mind the older girls (age range from about 9 to 13).

A wise friend of mine once told me when we were talking about someone else we knew who committed suicide that even if we were to know exactly what made the person do it, it would not make sense to us, because the despair that a person who does that to themselves is feeling at that very moment is not a despair that someone not in that state could ever understand. And I'm okay with that..but all I can think of is that this woman did this in her home with her children there..and I just can't shake it from my brain.
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    I will email you with my response but let me say this: I had a family member commit suicide and it is a terrible thing for all concerned. I also had a student who found his mother after she overdosed on pills...I took him under my wing.

    There is a lot of shame connected to suicide....please keep reaching out to this family.

    I have had a life long aversion to guns since our tradegy and my husband was told prior to our marriage that a gun will never be in the house...ever. My Dad (alive and well) was a police officier and one night he forget his gun at home (we never did know where he hide it...actually locked it in two strong boxes) but my Mom stayed up all night to make sure that we did not get near it (or something along those lines).

    I was a psychiatric social worker for a while and I can tell you this: when people are filled with that much pain...they will do something terrible like that. Now it is for us to pray for that family because over 30 years later I still have issues with the deaths in my family.

    Love and hugs,


    I will spark mail you later. emoticon
    4235 days ago
    Dearest Tina, What a wonderful, tender heart you have. That's why you are hurting! I agree that nobody will ever know what drove her to do that unthinkable act. The only thing we can be sure of is God' grace that he's with her now and that her children and husband will go on and someday forgive her.

    4235 days ago
    I know that this has been bothering you all week. Yes, we just can't shake something so aweful that is so outside our realm of possiblity. I have been praying for you my friend, and also for those touched so closely by her unfathomable act. Also for her, becasue as we said, we don't know what was going on for her that she would feel such despair. I hope blogging helped you a bit, I think you are so smart that you are intuitivly doing the things that will help you through this.

    Wish there was more I could say or do.

    Hugs! Lynn
    4236 days ago
    Oh, dear sweet tender heart... sweet Tina, questions like that DO haunt us all when someone drops everything and walks out the door of life!

    There is nothing I can say that will make the pain of what has happened- any less. My heart goes out to the children- oh, those girls have been traumatized for life! That little boy is going to walk through life trying to put the puzzle pieces of what his mother did, together- trying to make sense of it all. They are the little darlings of despair and grief- forever wondering if they pushed her over the edge... ugh... I can hardly take it!

    There HAD to be 'behind-the-door' problems that were skillfully covered up for the day-to-day routines that she went through. What ever those problems... what ever those fears... what ever she thought the outcome would be, could be, should be, she's stepped aside, and the living must deal with it. I will keep the children in my prayers, T.

    ´¨) ¸.·*¨)
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ *Annie
    4236 days ago
    yes suicide is something we don't understand...my family prayer go out to the family and friends of her..i am sorry that she felt that was her only way out...
    4236 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4927412
    Suicide - something I can never understand. My prayers to out to everyone involved. So very sad......
    4236 days ago
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