shock and awe(ful) weigh-in...

Stepped on the scale this morning...it was gruesome.

I knew I was walking into enemy territory when I decided to weigh myself, and I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. I made the decision to go in, alone. I steeled myself, keeping my breathing steady, concentrating on each step into the bathroom. Just one step at a time. I could do this. I concentrated on the lines in the linoleum, and tried to keep my heart rate steady.

I know when going into battle, training and consistency are key. Slowly, methodically, I reached down to take the scale out of the closet, lining it up on the floor in the exact place I put it each and every time, the top of the scale is up against the line in the linoleum next to the door. The readout is centered, just where it is supposed to be.

I take a deep breath and remove the heavy robe (I know it will add at least a pound). I step onto the scale.

HOLY MOTHER OF MOSES!!!! WHAT JUST HIT ME!!! The number that came before my eyes was like nothing I could have imagined. My head was swimming, my vision blurred, my heart rate could have put an olympic athlete into the Heart Center, I couldn't breath! How could that be the number I was seeing.

I rubbed my eyes to clear them, my mind started to clear. I thought of all of the ham, salty potatoes, chocolate truffles, chocolate covered pretzels, jelly beans -- it was a barrage of calorie warfare that just did me in! I hadn't seen that number on the scale for months, and it is back. How could I have let the enemy ambush me this way?

I have returned to headquarters, and after extensive analysis, I have discovered that my life had been infiltrated by a double agent long before Easter. The Agent would authorize a snack here, a treat there, allow a reduction in water intake and encourage the neglect of calorie-tracking and regular workouts. The Agent must be identified, and removed from strategic command, or this war will never end.

I know I have lost a major siege, but this war has just begun. Time to pull back, look at who my allies are, and who my enemies are. Get back to basic training. Time to root out The Agent once and for all, but I know deep down inside, The Agent is me.