So I've decided...
Friday, April 10, 2009
that maybe I'm going to blog a bit. I was thinking about a community journal but blogging here should be just fine. Well I just returned from my honeymoon on Monday to find out that my grandfather had died. It didn't hit me, really until last night when I went to the showing, and I just broke down. Today's the funeral...actually I have to get ready in roughly 45 minutes, and I am just DREADING it -as if Good Friday isn't normally depressing enough. Honestly, one of the worst things in the world is seeing my dad cry...I don't know how I'm going to get through today.
On another note, I really feel like I'm ready to focus again and spend the time on me that needs to be spent in order that I be happy about myself. I read something on one of my friend's blogs that mentioned that - and this isn't an exact quote - she was almost sabotaging herself because she often feels that she is -ok with her weight, but it isn't her ideal happy weight. When I read this, I was like - oh...this definitely describes me. I used to be stronger on my food choices. It's like I can eat really clean and weigh 120 or I can eat whatever the heck I want and weight 130. I'm not excited about weighing 130 but I think I've become comfortable in that I'm used to it. My short term goal is to change this- not in that I'm not comfortable with myself...but that I'm not going to settle for just a mediocre me. I could be great! I CAN BE the weight that I want and have the energy and drive that I crave in life. I don't have to look back at those high school pictures and wish that I was still that size - there is really only a 10-15lb difference and I can totally do that. So...I guess it's on with myself!
I'm anticipating a long run today to clear my head after the funeral.