4,000-5,499 SparkPoints 5,189

Admitting mistakes and working to fix them....

Monday, April 06, 2009

I had a rough, rough weekend and friday/saturday/sunday I stressed and reverted back to old habits rather quickly.
Don't get me wrong, I am not at all proud of this mistake, but I'm admitting it to figure out why it happened and how I can prevent this from happening again.
This is the first time I missed going to the gym 3 days in a row! The most I ever took off was 1 day/week, but this weekend I just ate, and ate and stressed and took pity on myself.
First things first, the positives. My weekly weigh in today, was still a 0.6lbs lost for the week. So overall, for the week, surprisingly I was still down. However I know that friday morning I was down over 4lbs for the week, so its dissapointing to see that gain over the weekend, however I was expecting to see my first weekly gain, which didn't happen so I'm happy.
Second positive, I stopped myself after 3 days. Before, this definetly would have been the end of any 'diet' I was on, now I can move on, and look at what I have still accomplished.
It all started friday night with a 'mandatory end of year staff function' at a Chinese BUFFET! Do I need to say more? I even started right with salad, etc, only water, but my co-workers quickly convinced me to join in the 'fun'....and I GAVE IN!
Feeling like absoloute crap saturday morning I missed the gym :( I didn't want to eat all day cause I felt so horrible, so I starved myself to the point of extreme hunger then binged again saturday night :(....then guess what the horrible cycle continued! Sunday same thing, I wake up disgusted, starve myself then by the time 7pm rolls around I'm starving and binge!
This morning I forced myself to get up early, have a healthy breakfast and hit the gym for 3 hours...and now I feel so much better!!
It's so scary to think how quickly I reverted to old habits under stress and 'peer pressure', but I am so proud of myself for stopping this vicious cycle before it got way out of control.
My plans are to have these discussions with co-workers and friends about my healthy lifestyle and why I am choosing not to drink or eat crap anymore. It's hard because for me its not something I can talk about very easily with friends. Especially because the first question I get is 'how much have you lost?'. How do I say 60lbs when you can't see any difference and I'm still morbidly obese with another 175lbs to go?!!?
I guess I need to be more open and confront these issues. And yes I am still morbidly obese, unhealthy and depressed with my appearance, but I am better then I was 3 months ago, and I think I need to start focusing on these positives....
Anyways, end rant. in my first 3 months I am actually pretty proud of only falling off the wagon 1 time, and for 3 days mind you, as oppose to a week or more.....
Anyways back to the grind for me, a week and a half of school left, and next weeks weigh in is going to be a big number, I can feel it!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Wow! I felt like I could have written almost this exact blog! I have had a rough week since tuesday (had a birthday party lunch and book club dinner Wednesday, did not work out Wed, Thu or Fri and have not eaten well during those 3 days) and I'm also at the point where I could have just let it continue on today..... we are buried under a spring snow storm. But, I woke up and made myself eat a healthy breakfast (after I started with a couple choc chip cookies!) and I just finished a workout. I am back on track and continuing to work on my goals.

    I have also lost significant weight (35 lbs) since the beginning of the year, and it is barely noticeable....I have so far to go.

    You are doing a fantastic job, and just finding your blog today is sooo motivational for my own struggle. Congrats on getting back on track. I am confident you are going to continue to be successful and reach your goals! Way to go!
    3623 days ago
    I am so proud of you for getting not only the courage together to do the right thing but for knowing that it needed to be done. This is something that I struggle with too. I got by all day and then ate some peeps! I give my self crdit for not eating th entire basket of candy my thin family hands out but I know every day is a struggle and not all of us can get it together as well as you did. Also the loosing 60 lbs and no one noticing I understand too. I once lost about 50 and people said they didnt believe me.

    Well I believe you and good luck....thanks for letting me rant... I had to tell someone about the peeps. emoticon
    3629 days ago
    I think it's amazing that you are so on track with figuring out who you are and why you do what you do. That is such an important part of weight loss.

    The most important thing is you ended it, got back in control and are still going! That is soooo inspirational and moving. You should be incredibly proud of yourself.
    3634 days ago
    It is rough at times Mr. Chris. If I have a box of Krispy Kremes in front of me at a nurse's meeting then I open the box and tell the other nurses that it is way too much sugar f\or me. Then I pull out food that I have brought to the meeting like celery and peanut butter, banana, walnuts. While the others are filling their faces with an over abundance of calories then I am eating something that will add up to a lot less calories taken in. Just have to get tough. Peer pressure is the worse. Yours in Health, Marilyn.
    3634 days ago
    Chris - you are great!! Your positive attitude is amazing!! You are conquering those little mistakes that used to take us so far off track in the past - you are staying focused on your goals and not letting that defeated feeling run your life. I think that's a big sign of the lifestyle change we are all trying so hard to find and commit to. Keep up the good work!!
    3634 days ago
    I feel like I was reading my own thoughts just now and not simply your blog. It seems as thought everyone eles has covered the "fall off the wagon" and frankly it seems like you already know what you did and fixed it ... however the part about hwo to tell people youve lost so much when you still have so much to go is my problem every single day. I am plaqued by the fact hat many of my friends never even saw me at my highest becaus eI simply avoided everyone so I am literraly terrified to tell them ive lost 100lbs because if they look at me they won;t belive it. I have no answer for you other than to tell you how AMAZING of a person I find you. There is no simple answer but if you ever want to talk abotu it I feel like in some aspects we are so similar. Keep up the good fight Chris, you ARE becoming the person you want to be!
    3634 days ago
  • LINDA!
    You got off track. As previously mentioned by others, we all do it. But you have recognized that you did poorly and are now trying to make it better. Drink all of your the tools on Spark such as the Nutrition Tracker. You can do this!!! Just give it time.
    3635 days ago
    Chris ~ I know your frustrations, as we all have ~ we're human. The good thing is that you continue to keep the focus, even though your binged ~ you stopped! Subconciously, you body and soul wanted it, as it had the 'taste' of the good thing, eating healthier.

    Just brush yourself off, and move forward with your goal. Get back to basics. Review your small, reachable goals and rewrite them as you achieve them. Have your vision collageIN VIEW for you to see the 'power of the positive', the new you! Motivate by reading and stay on course by doing what needs to be done FOR you. You are only competing against yourself sweetheart...and this is a good thing! YOU CAN DO THIS!

    Remember, nothing feels good as success, no matter how small a baby step...and you are feeding yourself some good positive feedbacks. YOU ROCK!
    emoticon emoticon Jazzy!!
    3635 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/6/2009 9:30:46 PM
  • 3-2-1-GO
    WOW, (i dont mean to sound happy or anything) but the thing I love about spark is how well i can relate to others experiences. I feel I have the exact same struggles, setbacks and fears as you and I feel like you are telling my story. Hearing you being soo determined to make a change and continue to be sooo motivated helps me to do the same. Hang in there and be strong! Know that you are an inspiration for others and that your strength radiates to others around you both in real life and online on spark. keep you the good work and continue moving in the right direction.
    3635 days ago
    You've been under enormous pressure lately...and you have handled it well! Be proud of that! Even with this slight detour, you're still heading in the right direction!!!
    And it's soooooo wonderful that you are focusing on the positives! That's what you need to do! :)

    I, too, understand completely (of course)...been there, done that....lived to tell about it! haha Working in radio, we get A LOT of clients bringing in free stuff...mainly food. Some of it (like the Edible Arrangements all of fruit!) are fantastic and perfectly fine! the newest "Thickburger" or cheesecake, it's sometimes harder to avoid...and coworkers and even friends can really push and push...and sometimes I HAVE to eat some in order to talk about it on air or with the client/AE or a listener/etc...

    and that's where my new found limits come in...taking a bite or two...or a quarter or half of something instead of a full something or even 2...but, sometimes I slip more...we all's ok, as long as we aren't slipping more than suceeding!

    because, we aren't meant to avoid EVERYTHING forever...these changes are for the rest of our lives...we must learn to fit the splurges, indulges, mess-ups in and not be defined by them... (my health coach through my insurance is making me work on fitting in a cheat meal once a week...and eventually she wants me to do a full cheat day! not a full out eat whatever...but a day to not worry so's tough!)

    The messing up at the buffett is NOT the's not. That's going to happen every once awhile and it's ok...

    The thing that scares me is the way that one night evolved into what could have been disasterous...but even then...I understand why!!!

    But, because I consider you a friend, I'm going to tell you like it know better! You are a strong, brave, wonderful are not defined by what you eat or don't eat...not defined by a number on a scale or even what you see in the are SOOO much more! We are all better people just because we've met you on here! Seriously!
    And you've come sooo KNOW what to do! And you usually do it sooo well!

    But you have to allow yourself to be human...because you are a great human! emoticon No more being disgusted with yourself when you mess up...please?!
    Recognize it as a moment of weakness...embrace it as a part of being human, laugh at yourself even...and then do what you did today...get back to it!!!
    But you are too awesome to be down on yourself...truly...

    I think this is a good thing! It is! Well, it can be! It's a great opportunity for you to assess everything and really get back in touch with why things got to where they did...what feelings are around all this.

    You are back on track and that's wonderful! So proud of you! And I'm so so sooooo proud of you for admitting your slip-up and being honest! That's a huge accomplishment!

    Hang in there! You're doing great!
    3635 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/6/2009 5:12:08 PM
    I am so proud of you! I know that sounds wierd since your blog is about going off track, but I completely relate to what you're saying. I have a history of doing really well for 4 or 5 months on whatever "diet" I'm on, and then one bad weekend will happen (party with friends, going home for a holiday) and my "diet" is over! I am so proud you can realize what happen and jump back on. I think a weekend binge is natural sometimes. Hey, if it only happens every three or four months, that's pretty good. :) I think this shows you are mentally there and ready to succeed. Keep it up, I can't wait to follow your success!
    3635 days ago
    Congratulations on your success so far! You will make it and I'm glad that you stopped yourself and didn't just give up. Your loss will start showing soon! I remember it took me about 60lbs or so before it REALLY started showing so hang in there. I try and save my free days for special occasions because eating healthy is my lifestyle now. If you don't already embrace this concept, I hope you will consider it. Make it a lifestyle and not a diet because to be successful permanently, you can't ever go back to the way it used to be. Now it's just my birthday, Christmas and Thanksgiving where I actually plan to indulge in food I don't eat daily any more. It really works and my tastes have changed so much, that I crave fruit and salads rather than burgers and fries. Also if we have a potluck or something at work, I still go but there is always something healthy to eat...there are always salads and stuff and then if I see a dish that I would like to try, then I will but I never have seconds and I never do desserts (except for the days I mentioned above) and it works for me. So you can still be sociable but just be picky even then and you will still continue to lose and make some good habits at the same time. And I always exercise especially when I eat more fattening things...keep that body burning! Anyway, keep up the good work! Take care!

    Alex emoticon
    3635 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by MR.CHRIS