Admitting mistakes and working to fix them....
Monday, April 06, 2009
I had a rough, rough weekend and friday/saturday/sunday I stressed and reverted back to old habits rather quickly.
Don't get me wrong, I am not at all proud of this mistake, but I'm admitting it to figure out why it happened and how I can prevent this from happening again.
This is the first time I missed going to the gym 3 days in a row! The most I ever took off was 1 day/week, but this weekend I just ate, and ate and stressed and took pity on myself.
First things first, the positives. My weekly weigh in today, was still a 0.6lbs lost for the week. So overall, for the week, surprisingly I was still down. However I know that friday morning I was down over 4lbs for the week, so its dissapointing to see that gain over the weekend, however I was expecting to see my first weekly gain, which didn't happen so I'm happy.
Second positive, I stopped myself after 3 days. Before, this definetly would have been the end of any 'diet' I was on, now I can move on, and look at what I have still accomplished.
It all started friday night with a 'mandatory end of year staff function' at a Chinese BUFFET! Do I need to say more? I even started right with salad, etc, only water, but my co-workers quickly convinced me to join in the 'fun'....and I GAVE IN!
Feeling like absoloute crap saturday morning I missed the gym :( I didn't want to eat all day cause I felt so horrible, so I starved myself to the point of extreme hunger then binged again saturday night :(....then guess what the horrible cycle continued! Sunday same thing, I wake up disgusted, starve myself then by the time 7pm rolls around I'm starving and binge!
This morning I forced myself to get up early, have a healthy breakfast and hit the gym for 3 hours...and now I feel so much better!!
It's so scary to think how quickly I reverted to old habits under stress and 'peer pressure', but I am so proud of myself for stopping this vicious cycle before it got way out of control.
My plans are to have these discussions with co-workers and friends about my healthy lifestyle and why I am choosing not to drink or eat crap anymore. It's hard because for me its not something I can talk about very easily with friends. Especially because the first question I get is 'how much have you lost?'. How do I say 60lbs when you can't see any difference and I'm still morbidly obese with another 175lbs to go?!!?
I guess I need to be more open and confront these issues. And yes I am still morbidly obese, unhealthy and depressed with my appearance, but I am better then I was 3 months ago, and I think I need to start focusing on these positives....
Anyways, end rant. in my first 3 months I am actually pretty proud of only falling off the wagon 1 time, and for 3 days mind you, as oppose to a week or more.....
Anyways back to the grind for me, a week and a half of school left, and next weeks weigh in is going to be a big number, I can feel it!