Thursday, April 02, 2009
So I visited the doctor for my kids' well-care appointments today, to get their shots up-to-date essentially, and the doctor made a comment about we could all use more exercise, especially me. I was so upset that I didn't say a word, and now I feel miserable. I'm sad that he either doesn't remember that I've dropped fifty pounds in the last year, or he doesn't feel that I'm working hard enough. I've been feeling bad because I haven't worked out in the last week, because my stomach has been aching the whole time. (I'm pretty sure they're cramps--I hear it's a lovely PCOS thing that I can have cramps for two lovely weeks, and I hear that I should be grateful that it's not worse.) I've been trying to keep as active as possible in the meantime, but I still feel bad that I haven't gotten an "official" workout--really, really bad and guilty, actually. Additionally, I feel horrible that I can't seem to match the weight loss I had last year. I can't even manage a pound a week, and at this rate I will NEVER reach goal, which isn't even as low as I wanted to go. I feel terribly depressed. I know that it's not about the weight. I know that it's about the health. And I LOVE how healthy I feel, and how strong. So why is it that a stupid comment like this can make me so miserable? Why am I still so obsessed with weight?