Talk about a busy 18 months...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

By fall of 07 I knew that I was going to leave my (now) ex. The only question was when and the only reason I was still with him was because he was going through a lot at the time and I didn't want to leave him alone. I certainly wasn't in love with him...he'd hurt me enough that he wasn't even a friend by this point...but I didn't want to add to what he was going through. (Yes, I was one of those who felt incredibly guilty just contemplating doing something for myself if there was the slightest chance it would hurt someone else. I'm much better now...really...)

I can't honestly say that I 'met' someone because A) we'd known each other through WoW for a while already and B) he was in BC, so we didn't meet in person until Jan 08. We were already friends, but we became closer that fall.

December was a bad month for me. My older DS wanted to try living with his father, so I told him we would try it for the remainder of the school year to see how it went. It hurt so much to let him go, and I knew it wouldn't end well, but it was something he needed to see for himself. On the afternoon of the day he was officially moving in with his father, he was attacked by a dog. I was a couple hours away when it happened because my grandmother was very ill. I'd gone to see her before she got any worse. I'd made it about half an hour down the highway when I got the call that he'd been attacked. I spent the next couple of hours driving across Kansas while on my cell phone, talking to my friend in BC. DS had to have a few stitches on his legs, but by the time I got there he was feeling no pain emoticon

By the middle of the month, I knew three things. I was ready to leave my ex, I couldn't put surgery off any longer, and I wanted to see if my friend in BC and I could make things work. So...I did. I told my ex (and everyone else) that I was leaving, scheduled surgery for Jan. 31, and started looking into what we could do. In some ways, I was very happy; in others, not so much. Basically, everyone physically near me turned on me. My ex is one of those who acts like a great person in public, but is the opposite when he knows no one's looking. My family all loved him very much...some probably still do. The only way I had been able to let myself leave him was by refusing to tell them all the things he'd done to me. I wanted him to still have the support of people who cared about him. His nearest family members lived an hour away and he wasn't as close to them as I was to mine.

My (then) boyfriend came to see me in mid-Jan. He went to my pre-surgery appointments with me, met my best friend, her daughter, and her mother, then some of my family members, and made his famous lasagna for my grandmother & cousin. It was the first time we'd met in person, but it wasn't awkward or at all weird. His flight left early in the morning and I had to work that day. I spent half the drive crying and the rest trying to distract myself so I wouldn't break down in front of the kids at work.

My family spent from January until August telling me how he was in so much pain, how I'd hurt him so much, he had needed me and I'd turned my back on him, what a terrible person and mother I was, I didn't really know my (then) boyfriend, he was probably a serial murderer and rapist (within my children's hearing), he was going to get me & my kids away from them and then hurt us where they couldn't save us, ect....over and over, every single day. I also lost a couple of friends.

I had surgery on a Thursday and was released a day or two early on Sunday, so my mom could drive me back to her house. Unless one of us was sleeping, he was working, or the doctors/nurses were having me do something, my boyfriend & I were on the phone. He couldn't be there with me physically, so he did what he could from a distance. It took a long time for me to recover. I couldn't walk without a walker for the first couple of weeks, and my stitches had to be left in for a month. A few days after my stitches were taken out, my boyfriend flew me out to spend a couple of weeks with him. I was still taking muscle relaxers & pain meds about every six hours, but it was still an amazing trip.

Once I was back in Kansas, it didn't feel like 'home' anymore. Even living in California for a few years, Kansas had always felt like home. My boyfriend and I were officially engaged by then and we started getting things worked out so I would be able to move to Canada with the kids. There were plenty of roadblocks along the way, but it all worked out in the end. My divorce was final in May, and I spent 4th of July with my best friend and her daughter. My last day at work was in the end of July and I spent the next couple of weeks visiting my father, his wife, and his mother.

Around the 9th of August, my future DH flew to Kansas. We spent a few days visiting family and he met my father for the first time. They really hit it off. Dad was totally supportive and so happy for us. We left his house early in the morning and started the LONG drive to BC. One of the van's sliding doors decided to not work, we barely made it to Reno in time to get a marriage license and make it to our appointment at the chapel. Yep, we did a quickie wedding. DS11 was our photographer.

As soon as it was over, we piled in the car and drove to California. I had a few things to take care of there and one of my really good friends lived in CA. She wanted to meet DH in person. We only got to spend about an hour with her, but it was worth it. I hadn't seen her since I'd moved back to Kansas a couple of years before.

Crossing the border was intimidating, but we made it home on the 14th. We are NEVER driving that far with that little sleep again! I spent the first couple of months here sick (allergy induced asthma, with no meds). We moved to another apartment in October and although the landlord isn't great about getting things fixed in a reasonable amount of time, he is great about us having two noisy boys. He makes sure whoever lives below us knows it in advance.

Our application for permanent residency was approved and we officially landed in mid-Feb. Immigration didn't like the pictures we sent for DS8 & DS11, so we have to get them retaken for their permanent resident cards. Hopefully we can get it straightened out soon so we'll get their cards before we're planning on heading to Kansas. I'll be taking the kids to visit family once school's out.

Hmmm...I think that's about it. Time to go make lunch & play WoW with DH. The kids are going to my friend's house for a few hours this afternoon emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I grew up in south central Kansas too. Where are you from. I grew up in Pratt, KS! Move to KC in 1999.
    4211 days ago
    What a story!!! Congrats on the wedding!!
    4214 days ago
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