Following the path

Friday, March 27, 2009

So I think in an earlier post I mentioned that I'd discovered this lovely little trail not far from my house. I went down there today to walk--and while walking, decided to jog. I managed a mile in 13:15. Not too shabby considering I haven't been at it since November. I'm feeling good about that. It was nice to get back into it, to feel THAT tired. I was content with walking the remaining three or so miles at a moderate pace.

I did some reflecting on that trail, thinking about my journey and comparing it to my experience while on the trail: you know, living with the uncertainty of not knowing what's ahead, all that corny metaphor stuff. :) But it really did speak to me. I'm an anxious person by nature, but once I really let go and relaxed on that trail, paused to take some pictures of the view, enjoyed soaking in some of the smells, the sounds of the water--REALLY EXPERIENCED the trail, it was a nice refreshing reminder of what that old addage-- "It's not about the destination but about the journey"--really means. Sometimes the best thing you can do about the anxiety of an uncertain trail is to take your mind off of it by enjoying what's around you in the here and now.

Anyway, it was a lovely walk on a lovely, early spring day. I've been struggling a bit emotionally lately--something I attribute to my refusal to let myself overeat, overdrink, or over-ANYTHING in an effort to numb out, escape, not feel. And so I'm allowing the tears and not even feeling so bad about them. I'm letting them come, I'm experiencing the pain of them, and I'm letting them pass. I'm enjoying what they're teaching me about myself and celebrating that each time I'm crying, I'm letting something out instead of shoving it back with food or some other self destructive behavior. But... it's draining. It was lovely to get a bit recharged today.

An evening off--and then a weekend full of work. My countdown is on--40 days left to go before it's over and done. I'm ready for the next phase of things--in so many ways!

Have a great weekend everybody.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Great entry! I relate so well to the whole experience of allowing myself to FEEL my emotions these days, rather than eat through the feelings. It can certainly feel overwhelming, and it can feel so empowering.
    3768 days ago
    What a beautiful place to walk, think, and just be. I hope your time there was peaceful, restorative, and healing for you.

    3770 days ago
    Looks beautiful! Kudos on taking the time to appreciate it and not just plow through -- I think it's hard to do that sometimes. And also - GIANT kudos on allowing yourself to feel your emotions and really work it out and learn from it. That takes guts!
    3770 days ago
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